|
You have an intriguing concept to your story, quite original, in my experience. If I were you, I would continue writing the story before asking for further critique. It is very difficult to judge your ability from such a short passage. Finish the story, and then proofread and edit it. You may need to alter the beginning somewhat to attract more interest. The secret to the first paragraph is to make it a "hook", to write it so interestingly that the reader is captivated and eager to read more. You might want to write such a paragraph before beginning to describe your witch so thoroughly; you should reveal personal information about her a bit at a time to keep the reader enthralled by the actual action of the story. I hope that I've been helpful to you. Please continue to write; I'll be waiting to read more! Good luck!
|