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Lot of things going on in this relationship:
Things happen and he shouldn't be making you fill bad , and calling you names to make you feel bad, that's abusive. You guys need to sit down and really talk and get everything out in the open. If you feel you need counceling try that. You should come right out and ask him how he feels, this way you will know for sure, he doesn't have to hide behind anything.
Could you possibly be feeling depressed because things are not going well with the relationship, and about how he is treating you? You should always put your best foot forward, meaning if you don't have anything else you should have self esteem, get yourself together, clean up the house, yourself, and by all means take care of yourself. There is no reason to feel that you are not good enough, and he should not contribute to that. Everything that you are telling us, you can tell him, and see how he will react to that, only you know. I don't know why you are scared, if he looking and finds someone else after all this time, then he is not for you anyway. I know you don't want to hear this, but it's true.
Sometimes we are with people for all the wrong reason, and when we finally find out, or should I say when we finally realize it, it's much too late. And it makes it so much harder to move on. You can be afraid or sorry for him to leave because you invested time, and love in him, but not afraid or scared he'll find someone better, because there is no one better, but he might be searching for his Ms right, and you might not be that person. Hard to describe and understand when you are going through it, but I understand, and many other people out there understand also.
So, what you do is pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get yourself together, and look the best you've ever looked, clean up the house and keep it clean, do something fantastic for him, and on top of that get him something he likes, and to top it off, get him a card, and tell him how you feel and what's on your mind. Just see how it goes and how it flows.
Now I'm a little confused do you want to salvage the relationship, or do you just want to end it? If you plan on doing something for him on Friday, rather than trying to find a way to break up, wouldn't you be trying to figure out a way to bring you guys closer?
Well your call, it's your choice, think about it first, so you don't make a wrong and hasty decision. I'm not saying he is right, what I am saying is hear his side of the story, and then make your decision.
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