This is bloody brilliant, i love poems and this is the best i have ever heard. I dont think you need to improove it because it is so good. I write my own poems all day long and the words you use like 'sweet as a bell' it makes you think how can a bell be sweet. its a metaphore and i love using them. You should really make a book of poems like this and publish it, i would buy it for sure. wtg love it. deep down inside i would rate it 100% great. i love it so much. as my brother would say, "you have made my day
".
bubi
xx