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Tough question, it all depends how much work the husband is willing to save their sex life. Being 40 isn't an excuse to not have sex, for there are people in their 50's and 60's who still have a healthy sex life.
Perhaps a marriage counselor would be appropriate enough for them, and if the wife doesn't want to do this, then the question is how does the wife TRULY feel about the marriage and her husband?Is she happy? Is he happy?
As for the kids, it's not too late to save your children, however discipline is definitely needed. But the kid is 20 years old, and is a legal adult, you could perhaps bring him to a family therapist, and have him talk one on one with this therapist. If the kid was under 18, I would've started early with family therapy and even consider a small session of boot camp. heh
Other then that, good luck and hope this helps.
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