[PAULSC]

Many scholarship applications are specific as to their requirements for scholarship essays. Write what they tell you to write, not what you happen to have already written. Too many people endlessly twist some paragraphs they've written for an admission essay into scholarship applications, when what the scholarship trustee wants to know is simply "How do you meet the requirements of our benefactor in establishing this scholarship?" and that may have very little to do with why you went to college.You needn't and probably shouldn't mention you were denied financial aid. Many scholarship administrators will want your FAFSA data sent to them, as part of your application, and will see what your college has done in calculating your tuition and Expected Family Contribution. They may decide to award you a scholarship, or not, depending on the terms of their particular scholarship program, but you needn't volunteer information that is not requested. Some scholarships are strictly performance based or group affiliation awards, and have no requirement for proof of financial need. I certainly would not mention that you are saving your own money to go abroad for a performance or affiliation based scholarship, but it would be fraudulent if you are applying for a scholarship where there is a qualification based on demonstrated financial need, and you do not report personal savings you are holding for later study abroad.As for your example paragraph, the whole last sentence could be dropped. It doesn't tell the reader anything about you or your motivations, and its absence will not be missed.