My friend is dying from Sinus and Oral Cancer and I am crashing?

[janet b]

I don't know how to help anymore, I feel so weak, he is so angry at his horrific cancer which has eaten his face away and I feel like an idiot because I don't know how to keep being this strong and his pain and horror gives me nightmares and I don't know where to turn. Hospice helps me, but they are never around and his family isn't. It isn't about me, it's about John, but I need him and he needs me and I am no good to him this way......I feel like I am not living and I feel like I am being a robot with him because I try so hard to be strong and I am going down........

[boogeywoogy]

I am SO sorry you have to deal with this, and I know first-hand what it's like.
You need to realize that it is impossible and unhealthy to hold all of your feelings in. In fact, if you share yours and cry along with him, it will give him a chance to communicate his own feelings about death and dying. You need to get authentic with him. In fact, it will help both of you if you put aside the robot facade and get real.
Before my godson died, everyone gathered around him and cried with him, spoke about their feelings, and helped him to share his. It was very healthy for everyone, and no one felt cheated when he died. Everybody got to share what they needed and wanted to.
I know John's type of cancer is hell on earth for everyone. I've worked with many patients with his diagnosis and know how ugly the whole situation truly can be. My heart goes out to both of you, and I hope he has good pain control.
If you can come to terms with the inevitable, face the difficult feelings you both have, and give him "permission" to die, you will be doing both of you a HUGE favor.
All the best, and I hope this doesn't drag on........

[JustGuessing]

I am sorry to hear your story. My sympathy is with you. My grandfather died about 12 years ago with the sinus cancer and MS. The Left side of his face was effected more, but it did not make it all the way through to the outside portion. Not everyone is aware of this type of cancer, but it is very painful from what the nurses would tell us. GOD BLESS

[JustGuessing]

I am sorry to hear your story. My sympathy is with you. My grandfather died about 12 years ago with the sinus cancer and MS. The Left side of his face was effected more, but it did not make it all the way through to the outside portion. Not everyone is aware of this type of cancer, but it is very painful from what the nurses would tell us. GOD BLESS