Hey, Alexander. Please forgive me if I ramble a little?

)I still struggle with the OT, because the God I know *is* so loving and just, and *good*, and I find it hard to reconcile the God I know with the God of the OT... I guess I want you to understand am not a blind cheer-leader, and I had (have) qualms, too. But. While there's so much terribleness in the world, I also see so much beauty and so much wonderfulness created by God. I'm not even talking about nature and babies n all that good stuff. Am talking about the joy people feel when they encounter Him. Even people who hated Him, when they meet Him, it changes them - we're made kinder; softer. That's God in us, making us more like Himself. We can't comprehend how Holy He is. It's just not something we can fathom, and the world today calls Him cruel, but He's not. I know Him; have run to Him when I've been hurting and He's picked up the pieces. Have seen Him call people to lift others up when they're suffering; have seen Him ask people to forgive someone who harmed them... He *is* love.None of us can pretend we live in a nice world, because we really don't. But the world is of our own making, and it's sliding further and further downhill. I sometimes wish governments would suddenly say "Ok, we admit it. Things were never meant to be this way. We're gonna roll *everything* back, and start again..." and we'd get a second chance, and we'd do it better next time. But it is what it is. It's loud and ugly and angry and there's very little trust, and very little love. But that's not down to God, it's down to us. We're the ones destroying each other; all the while, God is asking us to love one another - even those who have wronged us terribly. His way is the answer - love, forgive, be truthful, have integrity, share, serve, be humble, be kind... those are what He asks of us. Can you imagine how different the world would be if we followed Him?I'm talking far too much, am sorry. It's just this is an issue I spend *a lot* of time thinking about. The state of the world makes my head feel hectic and loud, and the truth is, only Jesus gives me peace. We don't look after ourselves, or one another; we kill our bodies; we pollute the planet; we inhale carcinogens by the bucket-load; we harm one another over the tiniest of slights; we all crave power, and substance - anything to fill the sadness and the emptiness. We fill the gaps with consumerism and anger and sex and celebrities and shiny things; we subjugate others in order to elevate ourselves... we'll do whatever it takes to make ourselves feel whole and secure. That's on us. It's our responsibility that the world is in this state. We've destroyed the environment and ourselves, and all the while, God keeps on loving us and asking us to love one another. That's who He is. He's not a door-mat; He's not the happy-clappy god mega-churches claim He is: He is Holy, and Almighty and what we do is abhorrent to Him. But He contines to love us; to bless those who bless others; He allows us to rest in Him and He shares our burdens. How could He be anything *but* loving? We can't even imagine the depths of a love like that. I know I talked way way too much. Am sorry. More words kept coming for some reason. Am sorry if I took up too much room. xx