He was with him for 16years & he died of Lung Cancer?

[Adriano]

I've met this guy, who's sweet and caring, his partner of 16 years died 14months ago,

How should I comfort him, he looked so sad, all I want to do is hold him & tell him everything will be ok, He's dealed with this for 14months I dont want to be bring up his emotions to cause him hurt

What should I do,

Many thanks to all of you,
his friend,

[vicky]

well you cant do nothing just stay with him losing a dear friend is a very dificult thing so just stay near him and dont make him tell you how he feels he will when hes ready

[cookie]

Be there for him to hug when sad.

[Jen]

Are you trying to just be his friend and help him grieve? Or are you trying to be his boyfriend and help him move on?

The thing about grief is- generally- talking about it- if he is willing- won't CAUSE him to hurt. He hurts already. Allowing him to share it will help him feel like it's ok for him to feel the way he does and the way it helps is that he won't feel so alone in his pain. Feeling alone when you're in that kind of pain is worse than anything. But if you feel like the other people don't really understand, or don't really care- it can actually be even more uncomfortable because you feel like you have to pretend to be strong to not make things awkward for the other people.

Just be there for him when he needs you, but don't rush him. 14 months is not really that long to heal after losing your partner of 16 years. It may be enough for some but others may need longer, and you can't rush him. I know it can be frustrating sometimes and you want them to just get over it already but you can't push it.

Also expect, once he has reached the point where he seems "over it" that there will be setbacks and out of nowhere he will be sad again. This is also very normal and to be expected in grief.

[Jen]

Are you trying to just be his friend and help him grieve? Or are you trying to be his boyfriend and help him move on?

The thing about grief is- generally- talking about it- if he is willing- won't CAUSE him to hurt. He hurts already. Allowing him to share it will help him feel like it's ok for him to feel the way he does and the way it helps is that he won't feel so alone in his pain. Feeling alone when you're in that kind of pain is worse than anything. But if you feel like the other people don't really understand, or don't really care- it can actually be even more uncomfortable because you feel like you have to pretend to be strong to not make things awkward for the other people.

Just be there for him when he needs you, but don't rush him. 14 months is not really that long to heal after losing your partner of 16 years. It may be enough for some but others may need longer, and you can't rush him. I know it can be frustrating sometimes and you want them to just get over it already but you can't push it.

Also expect, once he has reached the point where he seems "over it" that there will be setbacks and out of nowhere he will be sad again. This is also very normal and to be expected in grief.