i have lost my husband to liver cancer copd and or heart failure. how do i go on.?

[April]

my sweetie died dec 4 i know everyone says it should be getting easier but its not at times i feel the pain as if it was the morning he died. i miss him so much. i listen to the song i use to sing to him and wonder if he saw what i was singing about. "hold on my child joy comes in the morning the darkest hour means joy is just in sight." i need to know that he was not mad at me. that i did everything i could to keep him going. I told him as he was sieing that it was ok. i will see him in a blink of an eye. for him it will be for me it could be years of waiting