What is the proper etiquette for dealing with my hubby's X?

[Kaybee]

There are kids.... I have let my husband deal with the X in regards to the kids.... although I do enjoy my time with them, I'm not involved in their scheduling or discipline... I let their Mom or Dad take care of that.
It's come to my attention that the X is disturbed by my detatched politeness toward her.

Is there some unwritten rule that I've overlooked that states that I have to be-friend her?
Isn't her best source of information regarding my character going to come from her own children and their Dad?

Why is she being so demanding about this?
We've been together for two years now..... shouldn't all this be over with by now?

[NoWomanNoCry]

I think you staying out of stuff is a good idea, you focus on your marriage and kids (if you and him have any of your own) let him and the X deal with there kids. You dont have to be friends with her...but you also dont have to hate each other. I think its best to just be friendly to her if you have to deal with her...phone or face to face. Just cause she is his X does not mean she dont need respect as long as she is giving you respect. I dont think her being upset about what you called your detatched politeness for her is being rude or not showing you respect I think she just might not understand why you keep yourself out of the pic. Maybe sitting down and talking to her letting her know that you detatching yourself from stuff is what you think is best for the family in general, and that you think them (hubby and X) dealing with kids stuff is there place to be doing it not yours. However to her she might think you are coming accross as a cold person...not a good thing.

[Marcus P]

well my mon had the same problem, and it just seems like a lot of ex-wifes have that problem...I my mom just didnt do anything and t just passed, and my moms second child (my sister) is now friends with the ex-wife... so everything will turn out ok trust me...

[Katie G]

This is a lose-lose situation. She's probably having a hard time with having another woman in her kids' lives, and she's going to pick at you no matter what you do. If you were more involved or friendly, she'd find fault with that.
The best thing to do is to ignore her issues and continue to do exactly what you're already doing. She'll have to come to terms with it eventually! In the meantime, don't let it be your problem.