What are the rules of etiquette regarding asking couple friends out to dinner?

[jjjgrl]

My husband and I like to spend time with our couple friends by going to have dinner with them. We have several friends that we enjoying socializing with. However, some of our friends are on a much stricter budget than ourselves. It's my understanding that if we invite them then we except the responsibility for the check. This is fine by us since we get great enjoyment out of spending time with them. The issue is that some of them are somewhat proud, I guess you could say, and insist on picking up their own checks. Due to this we don't get to visit with them as often, because they can't afford it. Should we just except this or would it be rude to point out to them that since we invited them we are responsible for the bill. Any suggestion on how we should handle this. We don't want to offend them either. We already tried letting them pick the resteraunt thinking that they would pick one that was closer to their budget, but they stuck to one of our more popular choices.

[Lady Valentine]

We have friends that like to eat out often, and we like to at times. When we or they can't, we meet for drinks or opt to go for appetizers. If it seems they are under budget, we let them know it is our treat and often times we host a meal at our own home. It is more comfortable for some when they can bring a dish and feel contributable.

[Highly Evolved]

Say, "Jim and I are taking you two out to dinner next week, our treat, no arguments." If they protest, tell them that you insist, you haven't seen them in a while and want to spend some time with them.

Try to pick a different restaurant and use that as an excuse for paying. Say, "I wanted to try out that new Thai place around the corner, but I don't know if it's any good, so, I'll treat".

Don't mention anything about them not being able to afford it or anything about knowing they're having a tough time. Some people are proud and don't like taking anything like a hand out.

It's really nice of you and your husband to be so understanding of people's circumstances. Some people have no clue.

As a last resort you can always have dinner at your house. A lot of fancy restaurants cater now. Then there would be no way your friends could pay. And who knows, you might turn out liking that better.

[Ella]

You are really nice people and good friends, but I have to say that if you took me out to dinner once it would be wonderful, but then I'd have to reciprocate. If I couldn't afford to, that would be the end of the line. May I make a suggestion...? Go out for pizza or something really cheap. Then you have the time together but it won't cost a lot. Another suggestion: bring pizza into your house. This will open the door for other inexpensive nights out, when they can bring in a pizza or cook burgers, and they won't feel as though they can't afford to be friends with you.

[Jukebox122]

All the suggestions from answerers are fine---as a one-time thing. I wouldn't say your friends are "proud" really, I think it's normal. If I let you treat me, then I would do the same next time, otherwise I wouldnt feel comfortable going out with you. That's just how (sensible) people are.
So I agree with some of the others that you should do different things, like dinner at your house, and go out to dinner once in a while only. I know this sucks, I love dining out as well, but it would eventually become a burden on them.

[firehorsetwo]

To defend the couple with 'less money", perhaps they are not as hard up as you think. They wouldn't agree to something that they could ill afford. Be serious. Eating out is a privilege and some people choose not to spend their hard earned dollars in this way. They may be strict savers and want to pay off their home, or retire young. You may want to spend differently, and that's your choice. It's not a question of afford or not afford - its a matter of choice. ...unless you are making a judgment on them.

You said yourself, spending the time with them is more important to you. So, does it have to be a meal at a restaurant? Can it be in each other's home, or perhaps doing a group activity? Ask them what they'd like to do. Maybe it's a simple BBQ burgers and a game of cards over drinks.

[bainaashanti]

You might try to have them over for dinner, maybe even make it a potluck which will save money and be more relaxed. This can be hard with people living in smaller dwellings, but maybe this will help those with smaller budgets. If you do it this way, they may be able to return the favor more easily and not feel like they have to make up for not having as much money. Potlucks and home cooked meals can be a great pride saver!

[Joe from WI]

Option 1: Buy a gift certificate from a restaurant, tell your friends that someone gave it to you as a gift, and you'd be honored if they'd join you for dinner. They might smile and say "sure thing". I don't see why they'd say no.

Option 2: I would pick a restaurant where they can get something of decent quality (like a cheeseburger or a big sandwich) for $5 - $7. Another nice option is a Greek "family" restaurant, which have big menus, good food, and very fair prices.
Smile and ask them if they'd like to have dinner. When they see the not-expensive prices they won't mind since you're not going to a 5 star restaurant. They will see that you had their needs in mind and they will be grateful.

[FoodBuff]

Well first of all, its perfectly alright if your friends feel proud and not wanting others to pick up the cheque. No one except them knows about their financial situation.

Now to find a way still to spend time, there are places other than resturants that you guys can meet. If you still like to socialize with food in front of you, You can do something like a pot luck, that way you involve them as well as you get to spend time in either one of your homes or even a park. The key is to make your friends feel you understand and appriciate their values. With your more 'free to spend' friends you can always have the fun of treating them in any resturants of your choice. You get the best of both world, this way.