Birthday party etiquette -- do parents of 6-year-old guests have to stay at party?

[ExiledMainer]

My son (age 5) was invited to his friend's birthday party (age 6). When I RSVPed to the friend's mother by email, I asked her if this was a drop-off-your-kids party, or if parents should stay (I ask so I know what to expect).

I expected that she would say "drop-off", since the kids are 5- and 6-years-old and the party is at their house. But here is her response:

"I would like for you to stay. I'm one parent, and our house is two stories. Additional parents to help keep track of the kids are welcomed."

I am annoyed that she seems to be taking my asking as volunteering to stay -- and also letting other parents off the hook ("Additional parents to help keep track of the kids are welcomed."). I never volunteered to stay, and I could very much use the time at home b/c we are moving soon, and are preparing our house to go on the market within the next week.

Isn't it her responsibility to only invite a number of kids she can handle alone?

How do I respond?

[BriarKat]

You asked if it's drop off or if you should stay and she said stay...so what's the problem? You should not have asked if you could not attend.

[Darryl R]

If I was the parent, I would stay. I would wonder how my child reacts with others, as well as observe what sort activities goes on.

This day of age, children are learning many things at a young age. Not saying all children parties turn out (sexual), just that I would be a concerned parent.

("'\(o.o)/"')

[Shina]

my child is 4 right now, but i expect the parents to stay, and probably will for a number of years(at least 3-4 more years, maybe more)...i think it is the parents responsibility to take care of their own child, not just to throw them off on someone else to get work done.

i dont think she took your asking as you volunteering to stay, i think shes saying, its a parents should stay party, in the nicest way she could think of. i'm guessing shes going to tell other parents the same thing.

[~Kim~]

What parent wants to stay at a kid's party?! They are throwing it, they should deal with the madness! She could block off the upstairs, or simply tell the school aged kid's not to go up there!

B-day parties are only good for parents because we get at least a 3 hour break! I wouldn't go annoyed if I were you.. You don't want to stay, so don't! Tell her you were hoping to just drop him off since you have packing to do. I've never wanted the parents to stay at any of my kid's parties... it's bad enough dealing with all of the kid's! :0) Speak up! Good luck!!

I ask the same question you did, while rsvp-ing for a party.. Drop off or what?... You weren't wrong there.

[Raar!]

ask if other parents will be there too

[elaeblue]

At our house we dont expect parents to stay. We only invite the number of kids we can handle on our own.

I would call back and say that 'something has come up and you won't be able to stay after all'.

[Jennield]

It was your error for asking. I too would have taken your inquiry as a potential volunteer.
It's not to late to tell her that you asked because you can't stay. If she gets smart, then tell her if she doesn't have enough adults to look after the children your son won't be able to make it.
Next time a situation like this comes up, be more difinitive in your response. Don't give an either/or which could be misconstrued; just flat out respond that your son can attend if there will be a sufficient amount of adults to supervise the group.

[malwilhist]

I agree with the first poster. I think you should stay if you can at all swing it. Or, contact another parent who is having their child attend the party, explain your situation, and see if they will take your child and stay.

[Amber R]

I dont think that she volunteered you to stay. I think that she is just telling you that she could use your help to keep an eye on your son, at the least.

I would send her another email, or better, talk to her in person and explain that you werent aware that it was a parents also party. Im sure that she doesnt want to be a 'babysitter' as well as party host. My daughter just had her 5th bday. We intended it to be a drop-off only but a few parents wanted to stay. It was good that it happened that way because a few of the kids got overwhelmed.

While it is her responsibility to only invite the number that she can handle, its also the parents responsibility to understand that they may be expected to stay. She may not just be singleing you out. It may be that she has asked a few parents to stay and only a few actually agreed to it.

If you really can not stay, i would let her know. If its that big of a deal to either of you, maybe your son shouldnt go to the party. It may harbor resentment if you have to stay on your part, or on her part if you refuse. Ask her if she has any other parents to help as you have to move and have alot of things to do in such a short amount of time. I'm sure she will understand. Maybe you have a babysitter or a younger cousin, sister, or neice even who would be willing to accompany your son. It doesnt hurt to ask, and if the other mom says thats ok, then go for it.

Above all, make sure that you dont let her know that you are annoyed or she may not want to invite your son over for any other get togethers or play-dates.

Good luck!!