I'm invited to the shower but not the wedding?

[lalala9878]

Sounds like she is trying to get gifts.

[zacksmom102607]

only people who were inviited to the wedding should be invited to the wedding.an old co-worker of minei n vited me to her bridal shower and her bacholorette party but not ot he wedding. i though that was pretty rude, so i didnt go to either, plus i was pregnant with my son at the time so i used my pregnancy as a nexcuse not to go.

[CoutureChick]

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ar_10byPSBx5L.LDjCQntgDsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid =20080421180159AAP8BTLOpinions on this differ quite a bit.Please see all those who responded to me when I asked what to tell a guest of my wedding who is doing a work shower for me...one I did not ask for or expect.I answered that she should only invite those invited to the wedding and gave her that list.However, many told me to stay hands off and let her invite whoever she wanted to.

[celticwarrior_amazonwoman]

There is no wedding etiquette site or book that will argue with that point. Shower guests are invited to the wedding simple as that. It's not up to them to assume who can go and who can't go and therefore not invite someone to the wedding on that assumption. If a person can't attend, they will RSVP. Anyone organizing a non casual affair would have a checklist of duties/etiquette and if they don't follow that then yes I can see it as a gift grab. Or just plain idiotic.The thing is, her bridesmaid is obviously the hostess of the shower. The MOH isn't in charge of who is on the wedding guest list. I guess you have a couple of options. One, decline the shower invitation and don't give a gift. You might talk casually to other co-workers without officially 'digging' to see if maybe others are in the same boat. You know, without making it into a lynch mob against the bride. And if it seems like you're the only one in that boat, maybe talk to the bride, unless you're not close. Then just turn down the shower and gift period.

[MrsRToBe]

I agree with you its bad etiquette and rude. she really does sound like she just wants gifts.

[Blunt]

This is in unbelievable bad taste and yes, you are right, it's bad ettiquette to do so.Yes, this bride is trying to get as many gifts as possible since she knows few will make it to the destination wedding. I say, screw the greedy money grabbers and let them free load someone else. I personally wouldn't attend such a rude invitation. Good luck

[SandyEgo]

Perhaps it's just a way for her to celebrate with people who would otherwise have been unable to attend the wedding. Yes, it's customary to bring a gift to the shower - but the gift need not be extravagant, and you will certainly get your money's worth in snacks, drinks and socializing with people you know (hopefully). If you don't think you will enjoy yourself, just decline politely. I wouldn't immediately jump to the conclusion that the person is just looking for "more gifts"; yes, it's nice to get gifts, but I think a lot of people simply enjoy the party, and want to include people they know. If you're not comfortable - don't attend.

[kill_yr_television6098]

There is no requirement that the guest list for a shower include only people invited to the wedding. For example, when a co-worker marries, her collegues are very likely to want to make the charming and generous gesture of showering her with gifts. However, it is unreasonable for people who are not of the bride's family or social circle, and know her only as a co-worker, to expect to be invited to the wedding. Whether THIS shower host's motiviation is to honor the bride with a large turn out or to rake in the loot is something you would know better than I. But you are always free to decline the invitation with a simple 'no thank you' -- no explanations and no excuses allowed, just a simple 'no thank you.'

[maigen_obx1214]

The downside of a destination wedding is that you don't get a shower. Your coworker is being greedy, don't go to the shower and don't get her a gift, unless you want to buy her an etiquette book.

[itsmelynzi9658]

While typically, I would say shower guests are invited to the wedding.. perhaps she's having a small wedding and can't afford to have everyone there, but still wants people to celebrate with her?