I'm invited to the shower but not the wedding?

[Bree9742]

My co-worker is having a small destination wedding in July. I am invited to her shower but not her wedding. And it's not a casual office shower - it's at an off-work location and it's hosted by her bridesmaid. As I'm planning a wedding myself, I know that it's bad etiquette to invite guests to the shower but not the wedding. Is this co-worker just trying to get as many gifts as possible? Or do different etiquette rules apply when you are doing a destination wedding?I don't know the bridesmaid. The bride (my co worker) obviously asked her bridesmaid to invite me.

[Dizzy_Lizzy8557]

You’re right. This practice is always wrong. The only way to make it “right” is if the couple planned a reception in your area when they returned and you were invited to that. It’s all about getting more gifts.

[kandmsnapshots1429]

Use your judgment.... Are you close with this co-worker, and maybe she is just trying to include you, or are you simply co-workers, who do not talk outside of work? If thats the case, maybe she is just looking for presents.

[italialuv18]

I agree with you.. I don't know a lot of etiquette rules but that does seem a little rude. I mean, if she invited you to the wedding, but since it was a destination location and weren't able to go, declined - thats one thing... but to not be invited at all seems wrong. It definately seems to be for more gifts.

[nova_queen_288985]

I'd decline the invite and buy the bride an etiquette book as a gift and put a sticky note on the page that states 'those invited to the wedding are the only people that should be invited to the shower'.I don't believe the rules are or should be any different with a destination wedding.And with a destination wedding, people that cannot attend shouldn't be excluded from the shower.

[fizzygurrl19806385]

Technically, you are right about it being bad form for a bride to invite people to the shower but not the wedding. However, since she is doing a destination wedding, perhaps this is her way of making people feel included even though they can't attend the actual ceremony. If she is not a good friend of yours, though, I would just make my excuses and send a negative RSVP for the shower. No sense spending money on a gift for someone whose invitation motives you don't trust.

[Lori2434]

CRASH tHe WEDDING! NOWS YOUR CHANCE FOR REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!

[IamMARE]

I'd say she's trying to get as many gifts as possible. It's rude of her to invite you to one and not the other.We had a destination/elope wedding. Because of this, I had NO shower, and did not register anywhere. We don't want gifts at our 'reception' this summer. It's just a party that happens to be announcing our marriage... Good luck, and Congratulations on you wedding!

[JonnyB]

Don't go and don't get a gift.

[melouofs9058]

She's probably planning a post-wedding party, to which you will be invited. Otherwise, yes, it's wrong.