Wedding party etiquette?

[Ninja]

I've just recently become engaged. My fiance and I plan on having four attendants each. He will be asking his brother and my brother to stand for him in addition to two friends. I don't have any sisters, so I was planning on asking four close friends.

My fiance does not have any blood sisters; however, he has a step-sister and a sister-in-law (his brother's wife). My question is, is it against etiquette not to ask them? I know it's "my day," but I want to be sure I follow etiquette properly - especially because I like these women very much, just am not terribly close to them.

Any insight is much appreciated! Thanks!
Thanks, all. This is really good insight from all angles. A couple of extra details that were asked: he is not close to his step-sister, they never lived together and see each other maybe once a year. We see his brother's wife much more frequently. But, if I did choose to include his sister-in-law, I thought it might be rude to not include his step-sister.

As for the wedding party table, we were planning on having the guests of our attendants sit at the table with us, rather than at a different table.

Thanks again!

[Geltrude]

if you are closer to your friends then you are with his sister in law and step sister.. no need to ask them to be in it

[Julie S]

since he is asking your brother you should at least ask one of them... im thinking more the step sister...

but again you dont have to pick any of them...

[kristybeep]

I say ask who you are closest too and maybe ask otehrs help with showers or serving food...things like that

[whosgotmyarm]

I would suggest having honorary attendants, but have none of them stand with you. Have them signify that they are your attendants by a specific dress or corsage (my sister-in-law did daisy crowns (she was wearing one for the ceremony) for all her close friends and the female members of our family). That way you can have your friends and his family without looking like a football team lined up at the front of the room.

Otherwise, ask your friends, but also give them some special honor--like the same dress or a different one of the same color or material or a special something--but don't have them stand with you.

[Kayla J]

Not at all. You pink who YOU want, and you do NOT have to ask them. I certainly wouldn't. If you have four close friends, use them. Don't use people you don't want, or that you do not know.

[Shortie]

I would include them. I think they'll be touched. You dont "have to" but I think it would be really nice if you did...they'd appreciate it and it may bring you closer...since they'll always be in your life now : ) Congrats!

[*Anna*]

Well, you will soon be able to tell who wants to be asked. It's easy to get trapped into thinking you have to ask everyone. Originally, I only had a MOH & my fiance had his twin Brother as best man. Then, his twin's wife started acting weird about the wedding so I felt pressured to ask her. Now she's happy but I have 2 people and my fiance has one. Then, I was talking to my best friend of 20 yrs (male) and now he's acting weird too when I mention the wedding and I know he wants to be asked as well. Don't let yourself get stuck in that. Somebody is always going to feel left out, no matter what and you can't (well, I guess you could) end up with 10 bridesmaids. It's a nightmare. And the more girls you have, the more trouble you're in with picking dresses. Somebody will inevitably hate the color you chose or hate the dress, etc. I say the fewer the better and they should be people that you trust and are easy to get along with.

[dbrcymry]

I think you should ask your close friends. That is what bridesmaids are all about---

[Brutally Honest]

Your attendants are YOUR choice...just as his are HIS choice. While most "family" members typically throw a snit if they're not included, well .... screw 'em. Like you said, it IS your day, and if you want your friends there that's YOUR prerogative!

Have fun. There are way bigger things to worry about than this...trust me.

Congrats.