WEDDING Etiquette Feedback Needed! Niece is Getting Married, and it is Formal.

[The Sylvan Wizard]

I Don't Want to Wear A Suit.... ....as I am a semi-ambulatory Disabled Veteran as I can stand only for very short periods of time (with Cane only) and cannot walk but just a little bit. I mainly am seated or use a "Hover-Round" electric wheeled chair.

She is not getting married in a Church. She is 26 y/o and her fiance is 30 and both never been married.

The wedding is to be formal and I would say the mass majority of the guests are middle-upper class types, and the place it is being held is an upper crust type of historic mansion/hall type of deal. I myself am a lower middle-classed type despite the fact I am a Disabled Veteran. I was a steel-worker type and mostly a Jeans and T-Shirt or Flannel long sleeve type dresser unless I went out somewhere nice and then it was slacks and sweater or nice shirt.

Since I have MS, and other ailments and it's imperative that I am comfortable, could I get away with wearing a new pair of nice Jeans, nice Polo shirt, and new pair of leather work-like boots?
Her and I are very close and I am her Favorite Uncle (Maternal- so she tells me) and have been involved and very supportive of her all her life from infant to young adult. However; the last 6-8 years I have not seen her much and of course she has moved on with her own life, and, I have become somewhat of a reclusive person due to my health problems.

I do not wear a suit anymore, and it has been several years since I dawned Sunday threads, .....Jacket, Tie, Patent Leather shoes, etc.

I just don't want to feel out of place or be a "fashion distraction" or clash with the classy and primp and proper types.

Some kind, and well-informed feedback or opinions would be appreciated.

Thanks!
**NOTE To Sharon F**

The key word is "was". I "was" a steelworker type of guy (back before I became Disabled, and back then (due to the word "was") I used to wear nice slacks and such back then.

The key here and main dynamic that influences my dress is my need for absolute comfort and, I cannot feel restrained by clothes that is not comfortable.

Wearing something else is NOT an option for me, .....it's either I wear what I stated, or I do not attend.

I think you are too much "proper" driven and don't have an idea what some people that are disabled or confined or restricted of sorts may feel or feel like.

I'm not looking to be "correct" in dress as I can't and won't confine myself to fabric or slacks or shirt that feel like a tight glove on my body.

My mission here is to find out what would be accepted given the level of influence my health and disabilities has on my "fashion" limits.

Believe me, if I wasn't in this condition, I'd dawn a suit in a heartbeat!
By the way, the reason for Jeans - in which if I attend, will be new and very nice pre-washed Carhart brand jeans, is that I need to have a loose yet warming fabric as I am usually in a lot of pain and on strong painkilllers, and my MS causes me to suffer spasms 24/7 that would be noticeable if I wore more confined slacks.

The reason for the "Boots", and they are Fawn/Sand colored MAGNUM Brand - Hercules Style leather and are new. Again, I wear these heavy steel-toed and shin high boots due to the nerve damage I have and spasms from my M.S. and, the boots actually stabalizes my feet so that I don't lose control of my feet as they (my feet) would draw up or draw down without them, and I would be quite painful. The boots actually keeps my feet stationary due to the structure and weight.

I appreciate your fedback, and, maybe I'm over worried, but, I never expected to be Disabled when I envisioned any of my kids or Nieces or Nephews getting married. I think it's mainly my Pride.
***SHARON*** I gave you a "THUMBS-UP" anyway. It's Okay. I appreciate your answer(s) and extra efforts to edit.

It makes it good to be able to converse of sorts and add or edit ideas, thoughts, and positions along with added info.

I have now been able to take and look at everyone's INPUT which I appreciate and THANK all of YOU!

I believe based on what I have read, that my first option and best way to go would be to talk to my Niece and/or my Sister (her Mom) and tell them my concerns. I'll feel better if they say it's okay which I know or believe they will,.....as I won't feel under-dressed around the other guests, I just wanted to address my yet unshared thoughts with the Y Q&A crew to get some ideas.

It's turned out productive IMHO. Thanks again Sharon!

[tinkerbell]

If I were you and in your situation I would just wear what I wanted, but your probably nicer than that. In that case you should probably wear a nice pair of pants, there should be some comfy slacks somewhere and a nice button up shirt. You don't have to do the whole shabang because your not in the wedding, your a guest. You could probably get away with nice jeans and a nice shirt too. OR you could go with my first suggestion and wear what you want...lol. Good Luck!

[moekittykitty]

Since you are planning to buy pants, shirt and shoes for your the wedding, please consider getting a pair of comfy slacks and some type of shoes or boots other than work-styled boots. The Polo shirt sounds fine to me. If you have a JC Penney store near you, check out their casual slacks - something like Dockers, and have a short strip of elastic on each side of the waistband that makes them very comfortable. They also sell some very comfortable men's leather slippers that would do. My hubby had a disability and he really liked those type pants and shoes.

You won't really be "wasting" your money by buying the pants and shoes because you will need them for future occasions anyway. I do hope you enjoy all the wedding festivities - have fun!

[fizzy stuff]

Thank you for your incredible service to our country! One of my relatives has MS so I know its limitations.
If you have a suit, I think you should wear it! Jeans really arent appropriate. You dont have to wear the suit jacket if that is uncomfortable, maybe just the pants, shirt, and tie? This is a special occasion, so I would encourage you to do your best to look your best. Wont you feel better knowing you are well dressed and put forth that extra effort?

[Mrs.H In 40+ Days!]

I'll be honest with you, you should talk to your neice, but you know what, if you were my uncle, i would allow you to wear jeans, it doesn't matter. No one will be looking at you...they'll be looking at her!

Congrats!

[Miss Shannon]

When you've got health problems that require you to be comfortable, the rules change for you. I'd definitely talk to her about it, Im sure she wouldnt mind. I know I wouldnt mind if I was her!

[christinagillick]

I would discuss this with your niece.
I'm sure she wouldn't mind being accommodating.
and if you're thinking about what the other people will think then I am sure you will look fine in new jeans, a nice polo shirt and a new pair of boots.
Have fun!

[short shrimp]

A simple answer would be to...

wear jeans if you wish, just make sure they are a dark colour...

wear a polo shirt if you wish, just make sure it is a complimentary SOLID colour...

wear whatever footwear fits and is comfortable, just make sure they are a dark colour

keep it all clean and neat, and shave and be presentable yourself...

don't wear flannel...
don't wear plaid...
and don't wear a tshirt...

[jpete]

I think jeans are a little too casual. I would defiantely wear what you were describing you wear out somewhere nice. Just nice slacks and a nice shirt. Talk to you niece about your concerns to be comfortable. I'm sure between the two of you, you can agree on something both comfortable and appropriate for her wedding. Congratulations to your niece.

[Sharon F]

No, Im sorry but the jeans are not acceptable. nor the work boots, the polo is pushing it, if it were paired with slacks and dress shoes. I dont understand, you mention new clothes new jeans new boots, and you also mention when you go out somewhere nice you were slacks and a nice shirt or sweater which are fine for this occasion, whydont you dress THAT way for you nieces wedding?

Edit: If you truly will feel uncomfortable, skipping the jacket and tie should be ok, but to not stick out like you fear you will, at minimun slacks, not jeans, not neccecsarily high polish dress shoes, but not sneaks or boots, loafers would be ok. Polo or sweater, fine, but dress shirt would be even better. This is just my advice, but whatever you decide, dont second guess it, dont feel as if people are judging you, cause they shouldnt, unless you come in your birthday suit. Do have a good time no matter what.

Edit Again: Jim I think you should delete this question and repost it, I think myself and other posters were confused. Rephase the question not saying "I Don't Want to Wear A Suit.... to I am Unable to wear a suit.. and asking should you attend in jeans or not at all, that way you wont get people like me blathering on about slacks and no jacket etc...