Second time around weddings - what's the etiquette for gifts?

[corkythecat123]

My boyfriend's older sister is getting married in June - it's the second marriage for both her and her partner and my boyfriend will be giving her away. We received the wedding invitation recently: inside the card was a note in the form of a poem telling guests not to buy them presents because they'd already got what they needed and asking for money instead. I think this is rather rude on two levels: 1) it's taking for granted that all guests were going to buy them a gift and 2) it feels like we're being charged an entrance fee to attend what's supposed to be a celebration.
I was planning to buy them a present before this but feel they wouldn't accept it graciously unless it was hard cash. We are less well off than this couple and it's making me feel resentful. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

[EvilWoman0913]

Yes, I encountered something similar several years ago and was very uncomfortable with the situation. It is never okay to ask for gifts, much less cash gifts, so I understand your resentment. You have no reason to feel bad about being less well off than this couple, so either write them a check for the amount you intended to spend on a gift or go ahead and buy the gift and give it to them ( I know I wouldn't WANT to give them anything, but considering that it's family.......well, you know.....)

My guess is that you're not the only person that was offended by their request for money, so don't worry about it. There will probably be some folks that are offended enough that they won't attend the wedding or send them gift at all.

This type situation makes me wonder where these people come up with the ideas that they do, but I'm seeing more and more of it and it's just tacky and for the exact reason you stated. It breeds resentment and why people don't understand that is beyond me..............

[Stardust]

If it wasnt so close to home, I'd suggest making a donation to charity in their name with the money you would have spent on a gift, but as they're close, you dont want to cause an argument!

Get them a small trinket, or nothing.