Is there a specific etiquette for the give and take in a relationship?

[Q-P-Doll]

Throughout this relationship, there's been more bad than good, & he really has been a jerk. He always used to say "well if it wasn't for me" and would call me a gold digger, and even with the littlest things, like online games for example he'd make me feel like I wasn't contributing to my group, like I was freeloading off of everyone else's work, & they'd be better off without me. He nickel and dimed me on our anniversary & many other times, even when I DID have a job, and paid for half of everything. (college students)

Now he graduated & after a year of looking, he found a job in oct. I'm still in school & don't have a job, & when he comes over he pays for EVERYTHING. I feel guilty. Also, the place is always a mess, & I haven't been taking care of myself, and I just feel like the way I am right now I'm not good enough, & I'm scared he'll find someone better and leave me.

So I plan to do something for him friday. But I'm confused because I wanted this r/s to end. What should I do?

[latj]

You've lost one of the most important things.....you're self esteem. I suggest you take a step back and take a break from him. He doesn't make you happy, or feel good about yourself. You need to find a space for yourself and perhaps even find some new friends. Start by limiting your time with him. You said you wanted to end the relationship but you also said you are confused. Cut if off slowly to make sure that is what you truly want. If as you slowly cut him off you see you are happier you've instantly got your answer and know he is not what you need in your life. If you find you miss him and need him around then it isn't him that is causing your unhappiness and you need to look deeper into yourself for your happiness.
Whichever, take it slow and good luck!!! Do something different and fun on Friday, but limit it!!! Best of luck!!!

[DAS]

Lot of things going on in this relationship:

Things happen and he shouldn't be making you fill bad , and calling you names to make you feel bad, that's abusive. You guys need to sit down and really talk and get everything out in the open. If you feel you need counceling try that. You should come right out and ask him how he feels, this way you will know for sure, he doesn't have to hide behind anything.

Could you possibly be feeling depressed because things are not going well with the relationship, and about how he is treating you? You should always put your best foot forward, meaning if you don't have anything else you should have self esteem, get yourself together, clean up the house, yourself, and by all means take care of yourself. There is no reason to feel that you are not good enough, and he should not contribute to that. Everything that you are telling us, you can tell him, and see how he will react to that, only you know. I don't know why you are scared, if he looking and finds someone else after all this time, then he is not for you anyway. I know you don't want to hear this, but it's true.

Sometimes we are with people for all the wrong reason, and when we finally find out, or should I say when we finally realize it, it's much too late. And it makes it so much harder to move on. You can be afraid or sorry for him to leave because you invested time, and love in him, but not afraid or scared he'll find someone better, because there is no one better, but he might be searching for his Ms right, and you might not be that person. Hard to describe and understand when you are going through it, but I understand, and many other people out there understand also.

So, what you do is pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get yourself together, and look the best you've ever looked, clean up the house and keep it clean, do something fantastic for him, and on top of that get him something he likes, and to top it off, get him a card, and tell him how you feel and what's on your mind. Just see how it goes and how it flows.

Now I'm a little confused do you want to salvage the relationship, or do you just want to end it? If you plan on doing something for him on Friday, rather than trying to find a way to break up, wouldn't you be trying to figure out a way to bring you guys closer?

Well your call, it's your choice, think about it first, so you don't make a wrong and hasty decision. I'm not saying he is right, what I am saying is hear his side of the story, and then make your decision.