how to approach a depressed family member?

[jmd72inva]

My aunt and I have always been very close- more like sisters than the "aunt-neice" relationship. She has been going through a lot over the past year, so the cause of her depression is understandable...she left her husband a little over a year ago and is now in a financially "uncomfortable" state (can pay the bills, but can't shop like she used to)...her son just turned 18 and has decided to join the Marines (a scarey thought I'm sure, but he's heading down a path that military service will hopefully help)...

My aunt has disconnected from me as much as possible. We used to talk 4-5 times a week and see each other at least 3 times a week. Now I'm lucky if we talk once a month...I moved to a new house about a year ago, and my aunt has only been by 3 times (we live 15 mins apart)
I have tried to talk to her, I've tried leaving her alone, I've tried calling daily just to say hi...I've tried going to her house at whatever time is convenient....

hang on...more details
I am really taking this personally....my cousins lives nearby as well and my aunt calls them and visits them much more frequently. My son's birthday party was this weekend- this was a big deal to him as it was his first real "party"...we invited her, she said yes...no call, no show...and she acknowledged the party to my cousin, so she didn't just "forget"

I am very hurt...I know she is depressed and I am trying to find the patience I need...but I am worried that our relationship may never recover...

suggestions???
She refuses therapy- "it doesn't work for me"...I am really afraid she is on a dangerous road...she won't talk to her doctor ("I don't want to take a whole bunch of pills") yet...a friend of hers will give her a valium every now and again and she has zero problems taking that....she's lying (badly) and honesty was always something she stood for....

what to do???