Husbands relationship with mother is not well-help?

[AmyL4959]

My husband does not get along with his mother for good reasons (see my other question about divoricing inlaws in marriage and divorce...pretty much she can't tell when she is lying...she lies (1/2 truths) all the time to make herself look better).But I still talk with her. I ask him to call her on mothers day, her birthday and other holidays, but he won't..First: Would I be a bad daughter in law if I stopped calling her?and What do I say to my mom-in-law when she asks ....1. If she can talk to my husband (I call when he isn't around, but sometimes she calls me when he is home)2. Why he is avoiding her3. What she can do to improve their relationship (her relationship with my husband). I noramlly tell her to just leave him be.She is a nice women, but is very munipulating and my husband is tired of dealing with her and walking on egg shells around her. Also He won't talk to me about her either. I try to bring it up and he just won't. ANy suggestions?

[LM3594]

Just leave him alone about it. If he doesn't want to talk about her or be around her or even talk to her himself, just leave it be. My dad is like that with his younger brother and sister, and you just have to let it be. (My dad's sister is very manipualtive, not to mention a liar as well.) I would ask him if it would be okay if you talk to his mother because she could spread lies about her own son(And that's very possible.) . Ask her why she lies so much, even if she doesn't realize it, ask her. It could be a problem. Either that, or she's lied so many times she just has to keep lieing to keep her other lies alive.Hope this helps.

[viloveua]

dont stress him to be in good relations with her if he does not wants as excessive stress from ur side to do that may ruin ur personal life so just take it easy and let him think what he wanna keep relationship with his mom etc and u just focus on ur relationship with ur hubby.....................

[5200047]

You know it's better to have a mother that tells untruths then not to have a mother at all!There are people who have mental problems, that causes them to lie, don't be so hard on her!!! my mother had her problems, you learn to redirect, & over look it....... but now mines is gone!!!

[DianeS]

Your definitely in the middle of all of this. If you husband does not want anything to do with her, then she needs to accept that and make changes. If I were you, I would just let her know that it isn't the right time and that she has to make changes in order to gain the respect back. Maybe suggest she seeks therapy and give it a couple months and he can contact her when hes ready. You have no obligation to keep them together.

[OneHo4874]

How do you feel about her behaviour? You seem to be a very considerate daughter-in-law. Any mother-in-law and mother would be proud of what you have been doing to bridge the gap.Have you tried talking to her one-on-one and telling her in nice ways about what her behaviour and how it's affecting everyone? Perhaps she's doing what she's doing because she uses it as a 'defence mechanism' instead of 'on purpose'. Open and direct communication is probably the best solution at this moment.;p

[AZ8770]

I have the exact same problem as your husband. My mother lies. Then she lies & lies, & lies...and then she lies some more. She lies about what happened, what didn't happen, heck she lies about lying & tries to cover up lies with more lies. The worst part is, is that for all of her invented life she's not making herself look any better, just untrustworthy. Her lies are so transparent that people who don't even know her know she's lying. On top of being a habitual liar, she's greedy, pushy, manipulative, & gaudy. I think she honestly believes all these obviously fictional accounts too. Here's the thing: I've tried to talk to her about it. I've tried to throw the proof that she's lying in her face to get her to at least stop doing it to me. I've tried not talking to her for long periods of time. So far nothing has worked & it's only caused me to expend a lot of energy on a lost cause and feel bad about it. In time I've realized that she is who she is. She's a habitual liar with a low self-esteem who feels it's better to manipulate people into doing what she wants than to ask them to do it. I can't change that, only she can...and she clearly doesn't want to. Now, I don't want to either, and the last person in the world who I want hounding me about it is my wife who I would hope understands and supports my stance (which she does). Furthermore if my wife was actively involved with my mother, who is obviously a liar, and was continually trying to get me to be more involved than I already was with her I would feel betrayed to a certain degree & I wouldn't want to talk to her about the situation either.Maybe you should try being your husbands friend & not his mothers, after all you married him not her. You don't have to live with her, you do have to live with him. Consider that you may be causing irreparable damage to your marriage by befriending the enemy of your husband, though it sounds like you have good intentions. Frankly it's between him & his mother. You would be wise to not involve yourself in this particular issue.Hope this helps