Is it legal to marry your hand?

[Male Klingon]

Just wondering, since I'll never experience what it's like with a female, so I want to marry my hand. I named it even, it's name is Sally.

[Fafeom]

Sorry, she will never talk back to you, she is always willing, you don't have to remember her birthday, you don't have to worry if it was good for her, she won't ask for money or insist you watch Opra with her, but Sally will never be your Mrs.

[Josh]

Sally huh? I named my left one Palmela and my right one Handgela.

[Cindy B]

You have to have a license to marry someone, who must have ID to get a license, so unless your hand has ID you can't legally get married.