i'm getting divorced, and i've recently fallen in love with my best friend.?

[kyla]

this of course urks my ex to be..... and now is thinking "has this been going on for 20 years???" of course not, but can he try to use this in court because we're not divorced yet??? i hope not, we've been good about keeping this separation civil, i can't help who i've fallen in love with and i'm so happy... i want the same for him, he just won't move on...

[amandaped25]

He could try, but i doubt it would really hold up. Its a he said she said thing. Some people who get divorced have another mate sour b/c they have found happiness and the other hasn't. Another reason is perhaps he has relized what he has lost and still loves you . Either way ...I wouldn't worry over it, as long as you are happy.

[deborah m]

then wait till the divorce is over

[Lisa]

I would minimize romantics until after the majority of the legal matters are finished with. Keep being civil. You can't help who you love, but you can help how you go about having a relationship. If he accuses, don't react. It's him being hurt. It's going to be really hard 'cause you'll want to defend yourself, but its emotional to break a tie like marriage no matter how the marriage ends.

Also, for your sake I would take it slowly. Love is amazing, but your BF doesn't want to be the rebound guy....after a 20 year relationship! It's safer for you both emotionally if you wait a bit.
Good luck! I hope everythign works out for all of you.

[Andrew]

just wait because this is called vulnerability everyone is vulnerable after a relationship

[Notredame]

Are you sure you're not on the rebound?

Of course you can't help who you're falling in love with. However, how does he know you fall in love with someone else? Did you intentionally parade in front of him?. You know that it's not necessary for your ex to know who you fall in love with. If the table turns, you probably wouldn't like that either especially you're not divorced yet.

Technically he can't use that against you in court as long as you didn't have an affair during the marriage.

Divorce is painful whether you're the one who filed or he is the one who filed for divorce. If you can help not to make the situation worse, you may want to keep your relationship under the radar for now if you guys are civil about the separation. You don't know what the other person feels when he feels rejected and abandoned.

[joemissile]

if your divorce is not final you may have a problem. you are committing adultery. Separated is separated and divorce is divorce, the two are not synonymus. If you think this new relationship will last you are sadly mistaken.