Marriage Advice Needed! Do I separate to sort things out or stay?

[taralynne07]

I am 27 and in a rocky marriage. We have been married for almost 5 years, together for 10 years. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. We don't fight bad alot, but do disagree and have many different interests/values in life. My husband is very hard to talk to, and often takes me for granted. He isn't heartless, he just doesn't talk to me much. He is a great father. For about the past year, I have not been happy. I see a psychiatrist and am on depression meds. I am torn what to do. We have tried to work this out over and over. My main concern of course is our daughter and what it would do to her if we split up. But yet, if i am not happy that isn't good for her either right? I have thought about a separation to sort it all out and maybe it would help decide. About the only person I can stay with around my job is my brother-in-law. He isn't close with my husband and offered me to stay at his apt. I can't get my own place because I would still have to help pay for our house.

[cyclist2300]

what is your therapist saying you need to do...... you are paying him or her to big bucks... listen to them.

Sometimes it is a good idea to seperate for a while... on contact...... so that you can both have quality time to think about what it is that you want and need in your relationship.

then..... get back together.... and talk... talk.... talk.

joint counseling is also a great thing..... makes both of you think before you say.... what you really think.... and what you want to say....... it forces you to listen to each other.... and teaches you how to talk to each other.

[ol' Geezer]

You have to face several problems. But, I think it all boils down to this: Would you be better off WITHOUT HIM? or WITH HIM? Those are tough answers to come up with, and only you can answer the question. But, whatevere you do, I don't think moving in with your brother-in-law is the SMARTEST thing you can do. I agree with Cowgirl on that,,,,,Good Luck,,,,,,

[I_Walk_Point]

First of all, you need to think about your daughter. By allowing your so-called husband to stomp all over you, you're setting a terrible example for her regarding healthy relationships between men and women. Yes she is young, but she is most certainly watching and absorbing what is going on.

He can't be a great father if he treats his daughter's mother like crap. It simply is not possible.

For your own well-being, you need to get the hell out. Not as a separation, but as a divorce. You do not need this in your life.

Good Luck.

[pennyspetpantry]

I recommend a book "Created To Be His Help Meet". This book has helped so many people with their marriages.

[Lv Dr. 4U]

So what did he do? You sound like your projecting your issues onto him. You need to get your self in order before making any further life-altering decisions!

[franky]

I would really look into a legal separation. Let him have a chance to miss you. Maybe you'll realize it's better to be alone than in a rocky marriage. You'll never really be alone because you'll have your daughter.

[zebraajf]

well your daughter is still very young and wouldnt understand what separation is so it wouldnt really be a big deal to her as long as she saw her father a lot, and it was a short separation. also, have you let your husband know how you feel completely? if you have and yet he shrugs it off thats also something to think about. i always say that two separate parents who are happy, is better for a child, then two parents that are together but unhappy and fight a lot. children sense when parents are unhappy. by no means am i telling you to separate, just make sure thats what you want to do before you do it. also ask yourself if you've tried at making this work as best you can before you decide. hope i've been of some help.

[no longer a sad mommy]

get counseling and he needs to go also...god bless...if you want to talk, im me.

[kittykatsback]

I think this has more to do with your opinion of yourself than your marriage.

Stop expecting your husband to MAKE you happy and PLEASE do not move in with his brother, sorry but you are PLAYING WITH FIRE !!!!