Can my marriage survive, or I should move on? Please read my story and be honest.?

[luisahg]

My husband and I are divorcing, we have a one year old daughter, he has beautiful qualities and I love him, but he has a problem controlling his anger, well I standed some anger outbursts of him but one day he was furious with me and he did what I was afraid he would do, he hit me. I left our home that day and went to a women's shelter, it was a horrendous experience, I filed charges against him for hitting me, he was furious with me for doing this, I then decided to drop the charges but the police still looked for him. I have said Im sorry for pressing charges against him, but he has never offered an apology for hurting me. I dont feel really safe going back with him, but he was so loving in other times of our relationship that I find myself longing for him and trully aching, we have a daughter toguether and it hurts that our family is breaking apart, but he just doesnt apologize. Of course I have several character flaws, but at least I apologize when I know Ive done something wrong.

[kerriiskk]

I would say... if he's agreeable to anger managment and counciling... then it's worth seperating and trying to work it out... ONCE. If he ever does it again leave him and don't look back.

I grew up watching my mother be abused and it's not something you want your daugher to watch. Plus, if you are living in a situation where there is that tension... she will grow up feeling that. It will lead to her not knowing what a healthy relationship is... she may know that being physically abused is not what she wants but she won't know what is and isn't healthy otherwise. I lived with a mentally abusive man for 2 years and didn't realize that I needed out of there until the day he shoved me down the stairs and tried to strangle me when I was leaving him.

Love yourself and your daughter and show it by not staying in a situation that is unhealthy. If you choose to give him the benifit this time... make sure he is trying to get healthy... try and get healthy as a couple. If that doesn't work then for your daughter don't stay no matter how much you love him. She has no one else to stand up for her.

Sending up good thoughts for you and yours.

[sweetje6549]

I think I would have to leave that one behind...maybe you guys could get counseling, separately at first. But no way would I move back in...I understand the anger thing too. Don't subject your child to that.

[easternvesper]

The honest answer is that you never mentioned that you suggested seeing a counsellor together. That would be my first step before divorce. It is not good that he hit you but worst of all it is not good for your daughter to have father who has anger problems. You need to explain to him very matter of factly that you called on him because that is domestic abuse and that is a crime. You will not stand for physical abuse. You dropped your charges in hope that he would offer a solution or explanation as to why he became physical. There is an option that you would like to try for the sake of your daughter and that is counselling. If after counselling, things do not work out. Then you both can say you tried your best. We are all human - with flaws. Marriage is a compromise and something we need to work on every day which people take for granted. If you can work through that bad scenario that is for the best BUT if you cannot and he feels as if he does not want to make the situation better and is unreceptive to counselling, then walk away knowing that it is for the best.

[practice_what_u_preach]

I agree. dont' apologize for reporting him. You may be saving other woman from him if you report him and let him know what he did was wrong. Don't let him get away with this. You need to file this so he does not think he can always do it and not pay the price

[Super SHOE Crazy]

LEAVE HIM. LEAVE HIM. LEAVE HIM. Don't even hesitate. He HIT you. Do you think he won't do it again?! Especially, ESPECIALLY if he never apologized-- that tells me he, too, thinks this whole situation is your fault, which it's not. Stop making apologies and excuses for what HE did to YOU. Leave him.