How can i love and forgive my mom 4 staying in a abusive marriage??

[bhu]

We are a big family of 6, we witnessed my mom being abused by my father everyday, beating her, chiking her infront of us. He did the same thing to us. My moms body talk better, scars , marks and everything. Things were better when my mom wasn't home cause there was nothing bad to witness. She used 2 run away and come back for us. We were young around age 2 and 10 but then we were able to take care of each other, and we grew older and we got responsible day by day. I just don't understand why didn't she leave. Witnessing her cry was such a bad pain i'm old 29 but it still haunts me everyday. I hated for for staying, but i never said anything. I love her to death but i find myself crying because i have seen her suffer. My dad passed away mom my is a very forgiving person. She has a heart of gold, but i just don't get, i dont know how she felt before. I can close my eyes and have a pic of her crying, swollen face, soking her bruised body in hot water. Her body has scars all over.
Why do i hate her so much.....but deep in my heart i love her, i never argued or talked back to her. I would love to ask her, but i will bring so much pain and i dont think i can finish a single sentence..talking about this would choke me.I'm not close to my mom like friends or anything but she is my mom that i love.
I find myslf stuck in the same situation but yet blaming her. Mine does not hit me but..his words and actions dig a big hole in my heart. I wish i can be more brave and talk to my mom. My dad died but i find myself missing him..i miss a dad who hurt my whole family. He used to beat all of us to death. Why do i miss him? How can i forgive my mom?
pooperf what's a MILFE???

[Angela O]

Sometimes the emotional and mental abuse is worse than the physical. He probably had her believing what he was doing was right and normal and she didn't deserve anything better.

I think your best bet would be to talk to a counsellor to try and gain some perspective. Maybe, better yet, volunteer at a battered womans shelter, they might be able to make you understand.

Good luck and I hope nothing but the best for you and yours.

[skgiegerich]

You miss him b/c no matter what happened he is still your dad. You are angry with her b/c you feel like it was her fault. I know I have been there. The reason she didn't leave is b/c she was scared. He made her believe she was worthless and could not make it without him. She wanted you kids to be able to have a good life (finacially) and she thought she couldn't give that to you.

Personally I think you are being way to unfair. It was your dad who "chose" to beat on her, it was him who "chose" to beat on you, and it was him who caused all the problems. All your mom tried to do was what she could with what she had. Don't you think she regrets it? Don't you think she wishes she could change it? Talk to your mom. it will do you both a world of good. It did for me and my mom.

[Rene]

It's very normal for you to be angry for her. Not only did she keep herself in that situation, but she kept her kids in danger as well. This is a very deep hurt and, I'm sorry to say, you are not going to find the answer on here. This is going to take therapy. I highly suggest you find a therapist and work this out to keep you from going through the same thing as an adult.

[Marcie]

I'd definetly do some therapy if I grew up in that and when I felt up to it... ask her to sit down and discuss it with me.

[quiet_one]

What she subjected you to was terrible. Although I'm sure it was unintentional. Not only did you have to see her being hurt but you were hurt also. No child deserves that. You have to try to forgive, though. I've went through some of the same stuff. I still love my parents. We can't help it. It's human nature. You don't have to go through this again, though. Don't ever allow anyone to hurt you emotionally or physically. God bless.