Have you been through the 5 stages of grief, a divorce, the loss of a loved one

[2fast4u]

or a diagnosis of cancer? According to Dr. Kubler-Ross, the 5 stages of grief are:
1, Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
2, Anger (why is this happening to me?)
3, Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
4, Depression (I don't care any more)
5, Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)
Have you been there? Do you agree with the analysis and did you go through these or different stages? Did you miss out some stages or did you add others? In short, let us know how you coped.
I have only recently been diagnosed to have cancer of the prostate and have gone through the 5 stages several times over.

[Speak]

My dad died when I was 14 from terminal lung cancer and I did not go through those 5 stages. I think my dad only got to number 4.

[puppysyndrome]

I'm a funeral director, a bereavement counselor and I also lost my husband to cancer when he was only 47.

I have a problem with the word "stages"! It makes it sound like you complete Stage 1 and then move on to Stage 2, etc. etc. and it's not like that at all!
You might get stuck in denial for several weeks or months and then go into a deep depression. You might experience all of those stages in a single day and wake up the next morning angry with your doctor for not providing better care, or angry with God for allowing the person to die.
Grieving is intensely personal and hard work and it's different for everyone. Everyone grieves in a way that works for them. Too many people read books like Kubler-Ross and feel they need to adjust their grief to fit the order it's presented in the book and I don't think that's how she meant it to be........and it certainly isn't the way it is!
After my husbands death, it was nearly 3 years before I went into a period of intense anger directed at almost everyone. I was angry when I saw couples walking hand in hand, I was angry at people who were laughing and enjoying life, I was angry that they were happy and I was in pain.
It has been 10 yrs now since my husbands death and I still have days where I think to myself "I just can't believe he's gone". However, with a lot of time and hard work, I have been able to relocate him and my memories of him and us, to a different place in my heart. It's the place of acceptance where I smile when I think of him, laugh when I remember funny times and things we shared together.
So yes, it is totally normal that you go through those "stages" over and over again, in various orders until you do finally reach a place of acceptance.
That doesn't mean you give up hope!! It just means that your hopes start to change and evolve into different hopes.
How do you cope? One day at a time!! On bad days, one minute to the next. Live each day to the fullest.
God bless

[sukito]

I was diagnosed with breast cancer over 12years ago And i went through most in what you said .I got through it with the help of my family.I also have a brother going through prostrate cancer .And he is coping very well .

[Rob A]

The love of my life cheated on me and I divorced her. Now, I am a very strong willed independent person (hard headed) so I kinda did things different. I did not go thru the five stages above, mainly because I would not let myself. At first I was shocked and bewildered at what happened, but there was no denying it. I immediately resolved that I would not get angry. Anger would not change the situation, and nothing good comes about when I get angry. Anger just destroys a person on the inside and I would not allow that to happen to myself. Of course there is immense sadness, that is something that people with emotions cannot control. What we can control with our sadness is not letting it keep us from living our lives. I chose not to sit around all day watching TV and secluding myself from others. The thing that helped me most get to the Acceptance stage was the fact that I refuse to let someone else's action ruin my life. I took up skydiving, became involved with the singles group at a church, and moved to a happening part of town. Looking back 2 years later, I now consider what I went through as an integral improvement in my life. With all of my new friends and experiences, I believe it was the best thing to happen to me.

But again, I am a very hard headed person that in when I vow to do (or not to do) something, nothing or nobody can make me do otherwise.

[trish s]

Firstly,if they have diagnosed early then you have little to fear. Next : Yes,i've been through it,i lost my husband to cancer 2 years ago. The anger stems from the medical profession's incompetence and treated my husband for something else for too long. The bargaining bit i never went through but definitely the depression. All there is now is the acceptance............

Edit ..Just thought of a good book for you to read - Love Medicine & Miracles by Bernie Siegel. It is brilliant...........