How do I keep a mil-to-mil w/child divorce civil while protecting myself...

[Jon]

...from a potentially overzealous wife? My wife and I have been married for 4 years. We have a 3 y.o. boy & 3 dogs. We are both E-5's in the AF and make the same amount of money. Everything is in both our names, a house, 2 cars, credit & checking accnts. She wants the divorce more than I do, but I agree that it's probably for the best.
We are both from broken homes. I would like to keep this as civil as possible b/c I don't want my son to go through the torment I did of 2 parents constantly arguing, fighting, etc.
I am afraid that the first thing she will do is try to move to a different base and that I will not see my son. As everyone knows, the woman has the upper hand and I'm afraid of losing all of my money as well.
I wouldn't think that she would try to screw me over but I kind of get the feeling that is where she is headed. She is currently TDY and just told me to expect papers in the mail. I don't think this is the best route, especially while she's away.
How can I persuade her to keep it friendly? Other advice??

[deborah m]

ask her to keep it as civil as possible & have a custody agreement to where she can't take him outta state without your written consent !!

[victoria g]

Maybe you two should try sitting down and talking about it. Explain to her that both of you had hard situations as kids and that you would try to keep everything as nice and easy as possible for your son. It totally sucks when divorce happens because the children think that it is their fault but at least he is not old enough to understand it very well. Just tell her that you want to do all of this as civil as possible cause you don't want your son to go through all the stuff you did as a child. If you don't want her to move away maybe you should tell her that you would like to be in your sons life as much as possible. And just because she is the mother does not mean that she has the upper hand. If they think that she is unfit then you will get custody. Maybe you should go to court about custody and try to get full custody.Hope your situation gets better!

[Oreo]

I have a friend who just went to a Do-it-Yourself divorce workshop. The attorney who taught the class gave everyone three pieces of advice that he said will make the biggest difference in how the dissolution will go.

1. The longer you wait before proceeding the more time for the X to calm down and accept the reality of the divorce. If everyone is angry then emotions play in it and can get nasty.

2. Be as nice as you can to the X at all time. No matter what. It protects the kids from seeing you in turmoil. In the long run the X who causes the most problems will not be on the judge's side when things get to court. The one who cooperated, did all the paperwork in a timely fashion, didn't bicker, etc will be the shinning star.

3. Keep track of every conversation your have with your X. Any agreements or disagreements should be noted and detailed. This will help keep a record of anything that the X may deny or lied about.