My husband asked me for a divorce, do you think he means it?

[kat]

My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for 5. We've been trying to have a baby since the beginning but I have problems and need fertility treatments. I asked him recently to go with me the next time I go to the doctor and he agreed but quickly changed subjects. This past Thursday I got home from work to find him sitting at the kitchen table and he says we need to talk. He says we've grown apart recently and he's very unhappy. I knew we had, but every couple goes through rough patches and I thought the long winter had to do with it as well. He then told me he wanted to be honest with me, that he never wanted kids and he thinks it would be better off if we got a divorce because it's not fair to me. I told him I still love him and we needed to get counseling. He went on his own a few years ago because he thought he was depressed and needed to talk to someone. But nothing really happened. He's not affectionate and he's grown distant with me and everyone else.
When I suggested we get counseling together he said ok, if I agreed that we wouldn’t have kids. I said no, I’m not going to agree to that and we’re not going to go to counseling if you can’t sit there and tell me you still love me. His response was, no, I don’t think I do. Needless to say my life has been turned upside down the last few days. This came completely out of the blue and I’ve been miserable, not eating and thankful that I have a wonderful family and friends to help me through this. I just want him back though. He came home yesterday to get some clothes but he didn’t say one word to me.
We are going to talk on Monday after work, we were texting each other this morning because I told him we need to discuss this. There’s no other woman, I know that for a fact. Right now he’s staying at his sister’s house. He was diagnosed with ADD as a child and medicated for awhile but not as an adult. I’ve been doing research online and know there are ties from ADD to depression and bi-polar disease. I don’t know why he’s running away from me if he’s depressed. We don’t fight any more than a typical married couple about little things. I don’t know what I’m looking for on here, maybe just some ideas from people that have been in similar situations.

[Phd Diva]

Tough spot...sorry about that. But he was honest with you and unfortunately it seems he wants to go through with a divorce. He mentioned that he never wanted kids, are you sure you are the one with the inability to conceive? Only asking because it's possible he could have had a vasectomy and just not told you. But, regardless, your mental and emotional state right now is telling you that you want him back because of the history between you two and because it's comfortable...but he has chosen otherwise. Suggest you give him his space... you can't make someone love you if they don't...and it may be easier to accept the reality of the situation and bow out gracefully. You've tried with suggesting counseling, and he countered the offer by suggesting you two don't have kids. This I see is very important to you, and in some ways, he wants you to fulfill that dream of having children...just not with him.

Ultimately, the decision may come easy or hard, and his depression could have a lot to do with it. But no one will know that for sure. I say again, you can't make someone love you if they don't... this may very well be the case, but only your husband can truthfully answer that question. Good luck~

[no longer a sad mommy]

i think you two should stay together and just adopt a few kids.

[iyamacog]

It sounds to me he's depressed . It could OR could not have something to do with you're being so consumed with having a baby. He may be thinking, if this is what it's gonna be like, then he doesnt want to be shut out of of your life like that. Whatever his reason may be (or if he even knows his reason) he is definitely depressed and needs to see his physician....to either diagnose his prob, & prescribe meds.

[NEWPORT BEACH GIRL]

i am so sorry that you are going thru a rough time...really i am...it is so devastating to get a divorce, but honestly...this person seems like they are not in love w/u and they are not willing to make a family with u either. sad to say but u need to move on...i know ...i know...it is hard as heck, but in the long run you will know that u made a good decision.

[abril m]

It sounds like he is tired of the fertility thing. Have you two ever considered adoption. He probably feels like sex has become mechanical and scheduled.

[Samantha]

He sounds like he is pretty serious about it. And it sucks because you can't do anything about it. When one doesn't want it, then its not going to happen. Best thing to do, would be give him space. Don't contact him, let him come to you. Maybe he just needs time away and see what happens in a few weeks. Good luck.