Can anyone help with my mythology poem?

[bob bobington]

ok so i have a poem down but i think its a little too "pre-school"
it goes like this

Always holds us up the Earth and never lets go
The Titan that created the stars and constellations
Lost to the Gods
As punishment he had to hold the Earth and the Heavens
Shoulders are sore because of the weight



as u see its his name ATLAS, but the thing is that i dont think its enough... can u please add to it or make it sound better but it would REALLY REALLY be appriciated if you make another one (it does not have to be the same type of poem, actually i prefer it not to be)

THANKS TO ANYONE WHO ANSWERS
O and can you make it so it sounds like a 8th or 9th grader wrote it? cause some of these are really good, just that i could never write any of them on my own

[Indialchemigo]

make the sentences concise. Which means say what you need to say with as little words as possible

an example would be:

Always holds us up the earth and never lets go

you could say.

Always supporting the heavens...(he actually holds up the sky not earth

Titan lord high above man

Looser to Zeus

and you get the idea, try to use as little words as possible. I gave you some ideas but I encourage you to think of your own words.

This link talks about him, maybe it will give you ideas.

http://www.theoi.com/Titan/TitanAtlas.html

[Dubbs]

I'll have to get back to you tomorrow, so don't rate a best answer just yet. I could come up with sore reletively good poems, I just don't have the time tonight. I'm working. So give me until tomorow and I'll send you at least a halfway decent one.

[iceangel831]

a burden he must bear alone
in emptiness for all eternity
pain he shall endure for all of time
such a burden is too great to bear
to feel the pain he caused to all
the universe shall sit upon his shoulders
till his transgressions are forgiven
till his debt is repaid

not much but on limited time is all i could come up with let me know what you think

[labowu]

When Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon cast the dice of fate,
The sore Titan's burden - a celestial weight.

No shining heaven with gods in glorious Olympus.
No burning hell with brothers in gruesome Tartarus.

An oversized, lonely witness
To all human feats and achievement
An eternity of regret and remiss
And no companion to share his bereavement.

Orion, Pegasus, and Andromeda rise o'er his head
They hunted, flew, and loved before they were dead.

But old, forsaken Atlas, now reduced to lore
Will never have that chance, would you know more?