The symptoms I describe: What are philosophy are the most related to?

[nick p]

Please be specific if one can be. Thank you.

Symptoms:
Consistent pain within
Anger with people in general for lack of concern of anything seemingly more important than "fun" and pleasure, of moral ugliness, of ignorance and apathy towards politics, reason, science, truth, etc.
Severe rage towards desiring things that I believe to be unwelcome. Through this I've developed some disdain for beauty, since I believe that I am not free NOT to desire it (I desire beauty every time I see it.).
Fear of failure, especially in the area of theoretical sciences: mathematics, philosophy, logic. So much so that I have a hard time wanting to even read the subjects anymore.
A "just don't care" attitude but increased pule rate and a feeling like I need to do something but I don't know what.
Very short with people.
Loss of interest in my goals: becoming a teacher and inspiring young kids to think clearly, cogently and rationally about life and the decisions thereof.
Especially indignant towards people who reason around people for what seems to be personal glorification. Usually these people rebuke younger, up and coming students for bad thoughts that have yet to adequately reason out. However, the way it is done seems to me arrogant and pompous leaving people with a very bad taste for philosophy and understanding at all
Sadness, too but it's not yet clear at what. There may be a general idea but, again, it's not clear (as if I were suppressing it within).
My chest feels tight too--possibly stress.
Very angry with my mom for her bad decisions recently. This effected my twin brother's and my life while we were growing up (no car, not a lot of clothes, poor, food stamps, dependent on a lot of our friends to "pay our way" in order to do stuff. Of course, this was humiliating. But, I usually don't care about this anymore. I understand she had it hard as well. Now, though, I am angry again at her.

[LTD]

It would appear you have many more problems than can be addressed here...it also appears that you are attempting to write above your own intelligence...
It would seem to me that you would benefit from professional help of some kind...
You actually sound like a an angry teenager trying to make sense of stuff we all did at one time..and you will eventually stop trying since most of life makes no sense...
so therefore, you'll most likely benefit from these words..."just be"...it's all any of us can do...