Dark poetry. Comment?

[ServantToTheAlmighty]

Click, Clack

Click, clack,
As the night turns black,
no need for one when guilt is your gun.
I’m going insane,
for the ones I’ve slain,
still remain to haunt and I haven’t forgot
a single face.
I cannot erase
these terrible thoughts deaf with gunshots.
Their fate sealed shut
with a silencer, from what?
Surely not their screams, and my guilt isn’t redeemed.

I’ve found you.

Oh, no, what have I done?
Trembling hands drop the gun.
Her crimson pools around as I fall to the ground.
Her blood holds my reflection
frozen in perplexion.
Until a drop breaks the mirror and I cannot see her.
Her tears are my own,
but the ones not shown.
I’m screaming inside, but in whom can I confide?

I’m back.

You know suddenly it’s near
when all you can hear
is
click, clack,
as the night turns black.

[UchihaGirl]

Wow! This is one of the best poem i've seen around here. Anyway, it is a good piece of writing. It has very deep meaning and is able to provoke readers' thought. It is also able to express the feeling of the persona very well. However, i prefer it to be arranged in this way:

Click, clack,
As the night turns black,
no need for one
when guilt is your gun.
I’m going insane,
for the ones I’ve slain,
still remain to haunt
and I haven’t forgot
a single face.
I cannot erase
these terrible thoughts deaf with gunshots.
Their fate sealed shut
with a silencer, from what?
Surely not their screams, and my guilt isn’t redeemed.

I’ve found you.

Oh, no, what have I done?
Trembling hands drop the gun.
Her crimson pools around
as I fall to the ground.
Her blood holds my reflection
frozen in perplexion.
Until a drop breaks the mirror and I cannot see her.
Her tears are my own,
but the ones not shown.
I’m screaming inside, but in whom can I confide?

I’m back.

You know suddenly it’s near
when all you can hear
is
click, clack,
as the night turns black.

[byron2257]

when i get up
i dont know if im truly awake
or if im still dreaming

its son easy for me to die
in love with a woman
born in my heart
in my head, in my soul.

i wish it wouldnt be
so complicated to forgive
so i could live inside
all tears form my dreams

forget about the darkness
inside yourself, for what you
cannot get theres no one
else to bleme

you are not the only one
everybody needs some body
and i want somebody
i want somebody to love