Amateur poetry by me your views?

[colin]

TIME TO GO

As he lay comfortably on his bed,
Preparing to snuggle himself in the long night ahead,

There stood someone at his bedside with a gaze,
Staring daggers drawn with eyes in red blaze

What brings you here with a tremble he enquired
When after a hard days toil I lay my head tired,

What right have you to to venture my privacy
My castle is mine not for you to enter here boldly

The stranger cast an eerie and scary smile,
You have no time to say byes even for a while

The sands on your glass have a few grains more
Angel of death I am to take your soul,so lets go

Give me a break a longer he pleaded earnestly,
My family,wealth,luxuries,will not set me free,

Good deeds have not been in my vocabulary
Amends I promise in the period extensively,

Your time is up I will not for a minute ponder
Your evil soul my task is to forcibly plunder,

[Garden Admin]

I think you should enter this in a contest... it's quite good for an amateur effort!

[shopchief1470]

pretty good. I would try 2 separate it more it runs 2gether in spots instead of 2 line stanzas try 4 line. it does have a good rhyme scheme. nice job

[angelbaby]

pretty scarey, not bad for an amatuer, like it a lot, throw another one at us