Looking for poetry criticism in all the right places... Critique my poem!!?

[melissathegreat09]

One more chance?
Broken people; Shattered glass,
All alone, dreaming, hoping, Iridescent beauty,
Future gleams time and time again.

It ends in darkness, in being alone
Confusion, Despair,Desperation.

Nothing to hope on, emptiness fabricated:
Leaning on rotten supports.
The wrong goals, the unreachable heights,
Still they beckon, a mirage, a false front.
Concealing their identity: Love? or not.

Manipulating, twisting, fragmented dreams,
they call, they reach out, Ghostly fingers, heavenly lies.
You turn your back, they call your name.
I'm sorry. I'm changing, I won't be the same,next time.
Another chance, all I ask,
(To break your heart without a backwards glance)
I'm different now, This time we'll last.
You want it so bad, you believe...
just one more chance.

But again, in darkness, in being alone
Confusion, Despair,Desperation.

Broken people, Shattered glass.
Only ONE is a true Promise-Keeper.
But you turn away, towards the charms, The lies, The pain:
One more chance.
And by all means, be harsh about it.

[deepseteyes]

confusion,despair, desperation, Aha my friend i say but not without hope and i do salute you and your poem for that...

[WhatTheFrenchToast?]

I like this very much. You could maybe put his words in quotations on the "I'm different now, this time we'll last", but they are not a necesity by any means... just a suggestion. This, depending on how the poem is read, may add or subtract from the power of the words. Good job!

[SophiaSeeker]

{Stanza 1}
One more chance?
Broken people; Shattered glass,
All alone, dreaming, hoping, Iridescent beauty,
Future gleams time and time again.

{Stanza 2}
It ends in darkness, in being alone
Confusion, Despair,Desperation.


{Stanza 3}
Nothing to hope on, emptiness fabricated:
Leaning on rotten supports.
The wrong goals, the unreachable heights,
Still they beckon, a mirage, a false front.
Concealing their identity: Love? or not.

{Stanza 4}
Manipulating, twisting, fragmented dreams,
they call, they reach out, Ghostly fingers, heavenly lies.
You turn your back, they call your name.
I'm sorry. I'm changing, I won't be the same,next time.
Another chance, all I ask,
(To break your heart without a backwards glance)
I'm different now, This time we'll last.
You want it so bad, you believe...
just one more chance.

{Stanza 5}
But again, in darkness, in being alone
Confusion, Despair,Desperation.

{Stanza 6}
Broken people, Shattered glass.
Only ONE is a true Promise-Keeper.
But you turn away, towards the charms, The lies, The pain:
One more chance.

________________________________

A) Repeat the structure of Stanza 1&2 throughout, not in word only in structure...

Stanza 1&2 =

{Stanza 1}
(a)One more chance?
(b)Broken people; Shattered glass,
(c)All alone, dreaming, hoping, Iridescent beauty,
(d)Future gleams time and time again.

{Stanza 2}
(1)It ends in darkness, in being alone
(2)Confusion, Despair,Desperation.
_____________________________

AA) Think to self 4-lines/space/2-lines or

a) ...................
b) ....................
c) ...................
d)......................

{leave blank space here}

(1)
(2)
_______________________________

Example next two stanza's in poem:

{Stanza 3}
Nothing to hope on, emptiness fabricated:
Leaning on rotten supports.
The wrong goals, the unreachable heights,
Still they beckon, a mirage, a false front.
Concealing their identity: Love? or not.

{Stanza 4}
Manipulating, twisting, fragmented dreams,
they call, they reach out, Ghostly fingers, heavenly lies.
You turn your back, they call your name.
I'm sorry. I'm changing, I won't be the same,next time.
Another chance, all I ask,
(To break your heart without a backwards glance)
I'm different now, This time we'll last.
You want it so bad, you believe...
just one more chance.

___________________

change stanza-3 to:

{Stanza 3}
(a)Nothing to hope on, emptiness fabricated:
(b)Leaning on rotten supports.
(c)The wrong goals, the unreachable heights,
(d)Still they beckon, a mirage, a false front.

change stanza-4 to:

(1)Concealing their identity: Love? or not.
(2)Manipulating, twisting, fragmented dreams.

**then work remainder or 'left-out verses' back into remaider of poem, or leave them omitted**

_______________________________________

Think of lines(a,b,c,d) as your question to fate and lines (1,2) as fates answer...

__________________________

I realize this rips the poem apart, but if you could come up with your own variation of the above, then I think you could be onto something better structure-wise, I think you have very-well-written content, the question now becomes do I structure it in a way that's predicable or unpredictable. Or a compromise somewhere therein, I leave you to decide...email myprofile...for additional suggestions..