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Poetry From Poems to Shakespearen English. Show some of yours.

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Old 03-07-2008, 07:55 PM
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need help with poetry?

i'm not at all a good poet. still i need to write a poem, on "sneaking affection." question1: is it necessary for a poem to end in rhyming words?
Q2: what do you think of this as written by uni student?

buckling knees, fluttering hearts,
passing sweet smiles, wishing on stars.
the very first sight that ceased the heartbeat,
the smile that stopped your breath (need to replace your)
the love castles built in the air,
the brooding during work
deprived of sleep, the eyes stay
on the path waiting, waiting,
waiting for two more to come and meet them
whispering sweet words,writing poems of love
what are they the signs of?
"Sneaking Affection" replies the soul...

sounds childish to me!
btw is it buckling, or puckering? meaning when the kness turn into jelly
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Old 03-07-2008, 07:56 PM
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No, you don't have to rhyme at all.
It's pretty good. I like it.
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Old 03-07-2008, 07:56 PM
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No, it's not at all necessary for it to rhyme.
And I thought your poem was very good. Just the second last line I think should be changed. However that's being a bit pedantic, and I'm not really much of a poet. I did my best though, and I really liked it!
Oh, and knees buckle, mouths pucker
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Old 03-07-2008, 07:57 PM
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liked two things: the parenthetical aside, and the (unplanned?) near rhyme of 'love' and 'of'.

It is childish, but so is sneaking affection--poetry is meant to evoke feelings, not just with what they say--in fact more often than not they have very little to do with what they say--and more in how they say it. How they make the reader feel (or how they made the poet feel when they words were written).
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