English Poetry ...?

[rma]

What do you think of this poem? Can you finish and tell me ways to improve it ...

The somnolent river, sluggishly caresses past the deserted meadows
Brown in colour, dull in character
The soul incarcerated upon the alluring touch of aroma
The failing gimlet of sunlight struggles to arise the silent encomium of the heart
As the mournful thoughts reappear, slow and powerful
The forlorn rapid rattle, the monstrous anger of guns
Paint a portrait, bloody in content, dire in execution.
Yet the insistent sparkle passes away with the finality of dusk
Hopeless but rebellious as it challenges the authority of its costive waters
Adamantly possessing the impassioned nature of the man it once took
Brimming amongst the tears that stream and with limped movements

+ Last 1 or 2 Line (s)

STORY - At river where friend died in a war, commits suicide at sunset.

Thanks a lot.

[Russell G]

The first thing I'd suggest would be to cut out a good few of the adjectives you've got here, concentrate on whatever it is you want to put across, and think about which type of words
would be best for the situation.

Try to surprise the reader, show something in a different way.