My poems, need your opinions?

[Faire Shine]

I just finished writing a short novel in my spare time about a girl who is paralyzed and in the hospital.. Well, she falls asleep and never wakes up but the story is about her sweet and sometimes cruel dreams. The first poem is about the book.

In this dark Room

There was a whisper,
my name, it called for me: " no more, Eliza, no more"
the shadows threatened me with sweet words
that were empty and cold
i refused to go and it pulled me down to the ground
no, i said, i'm not done here..
it didn't listen though, and it dragged me to the darkest corner where i would be alone.
no, i repeated, NO.
But the silence overruled me and got in, drowning me in it's lifeless ways
Quiet, soundless tears rolled down my face like acid and burned holes inside me.
then it was over.
no more.
no more.
and this one is just a quickie i wrote about a minute ago:

A million fragile pieces scattered on the floor,
i place my hand where it was no more.
I felt the air leave me, the wind escape me.
I was empty to the core.