Should I feel guilty for not wanting to babysit 5 days/week?

[up_all_night]

The short of it: I am an aunt (with two young kids of my own) who, aside from my other job, has watched her niece full time since birth, and now she is almost three years old. I was just getting used to the idea that she will be in preschool after summer's over, when her parents told me another baby is on the way. They kind of assumed I would want to watch the new baby, plus take my niece to preschool. I told them that as much as I'm going to love and spoil my new niece or nephew, I don't think I have the time and energy to watch 3 children plus a newborn. Besides, I have a compact car and there isn't enough room for 4 car seats and a driver incase I had to take them somewhere with me. They said they understood and would find somewhere to put the new baby, but you could see the disappointment and feel it in the air. When my Sis in law comes to pick up my niece when she gets off work she comes into my house with downcast eyes, not speaking but a word or two. Guilt trip city.

[Arggg4329]

You shouldn't feel guilty at all - THEY should feel guilty for even asking you to take on so much responsibility. Everyone would love to have a free babysitter, but no dice!! They've taken advantage of you long enough. You need to concentrate on your OWN kids.

[pixie9419]

Don't respond to the guilt trip. You were absolutely within your rights to draw your boundaries. Good for you!

[ciza29]

You should not feel guilty at all. In fact, you have gone above and beyond already. They are being selfish and should make other arrangements instead of burdening you.

[Tryna-Hyde8250]

no, you should not feel guilty for telling them you do not want to babysit anymore. i actually think you went above and beyone by informing them of all the reasons why this wouldn't work for you, which you most certainly did not need to explain, in my opinion.they want to have kids, GREAT! i love 'em too! but i gotta take care of mine, and you gotta take care of yours. i also gotta take care of me, somewhere in there, so, unfortunately, they need to make their own children their priority, instead of depending on you to do this for them. i'm sure it's a huge convenience for them to "use" you, but now that you're no longer available, they'll have to "use" someone else.i think it's a bit selfish and rude of them to top this off with a guilt trip. i hope you don't plan to ride with them on that trip - it's their issue, not yours.good luck!

[VeraGabriele9024]

you are a good aunt. My own aunt is my mom's sister and also my godmother.. she never did anything for me in my entire life... so I believe you do a great job.. you need to learn to say ''no'' on occasion.. the way you come across as a person, you will spoil them anyhow and you will help out more than you should do.. It's wonderful to be so family oriented as you are but you are a mom first and foremost.. you need to take care of your own family and you have done a lot for your niece and nephew and you will continue to do so.. but sometimes you need to spread yourself a bit thinner otherwise your good nature will be taken advantage off.. As much as you love your family and your niece and nephew.. you have to also make time for yourself.. for your own personal needs and that is virtually impossible if you juggle your own family and your marriage and babysit.. no.. you owe your husband or partner time with him and you owe time to your two kids and last but not least you need some time just for yourself.. They will understand.. I used to be like you and it did me no good I was taken advantage of.. one has to learn to say ''no '' on occasion.. if you had done that before .. they would fully understand your reasons now but because you were always available it will take them a little time to see that they can't 'use'' you the way they do.... You love your niece and nephew and that should never change.. if there is real trouble .. by all means be there for them.. but don't babysit and then neglect your partner and your own children and find no time to interact with friends and do something just for yourself on occasion...x

[kiwi8958]

Dont let her "guilt you out". Those kids are hers, not yours. She needs to make arrangements for them. You have a life, too, remember. You've already done a whole lot for them.Was she even paying you for all your help or expecting you to do all this stuff for free because you're family?

[next9731]

They have been taking terrible advantage of you and now you put up parameters, which is your right to do, and so they are behaving very badly because you are not the doormat they thought of you as....you need to stop doing it altogether as their attitude will only worsen over time. You have a full life without them, you don't need them and you certainly don't need that attitude. Shame on them. Unreal.

[BarbaraB1285]

Dear one:No. You shouldn’t feel guilty about not watching any children except your own. Indeed, you were quite honest with your reasons for not wanting to watch 4 little children including a newborn. Your niece should be grateful for the care you were able to provide. Instead, she is being pouty because her free babysitting service is coming to an end. It’s not at all wrong to put your needs in front of hers. In fact, your niece is quite selfish for “assuming” you would want the responsibility of more children – and she is incredibly crass and insensitive for making you feel guilty for putting your own children in front of hers. I would give niece a set period of time to find a new sitter for her daughter. Make it stick. Not easy since you’re a gentle and kind person; and niece is a good manipulator. BUT make it stick.

[tehabwa0515]

No, you should NOT.Good heavens! You've gone above and beyond as it is. And yes, they were expecting way too much (especially since you saw an end in sight -- to yank that away).It sounds as though you made it clear that it wasn't about them or their off-spring, but that it just wasn't practical.Do NOT let her guilt you.She's the one who should feel guilty for trying to guilt you.