need help!!?

[greeneyessigh]

I know I love my boyfriend. We are both mid-twenties and on our way to pursuing our educations. We both are at the same point where we talk about marriage and having children, a house, ect. It excited us to talk about these things in the past and now I still yearn to be with him and have these dreams.The problem is that two weeks I started getting some negative thoughts about the relationship. It was moreso my mind arguing with itself about whether my boyfriend is "the one", whether I am truly happy, and what not. I know some people would say to follow your gut but there's something holding me back from doing so.There are things about myself that I have learned from being in this relationship and from studying psychology. I grew up in an environment devoid of fatherly care. I was constanly put down and emotional abused. I was never diagnosed with depression or anxiety but I have been known to get down on myself and I have high standards for others. Sometimes I caused fights with my boyfriend over less than ideal things and I regret that now. I literally feel that I may have taken him for granted. Almost all of me feels like I want to be with him but I am scared that if I get back with him that I will feel those negative feelings again. I keep asking myself if I am in denial or if it's just my negative personality conjuring up more disheartening thoughts. I am trying to think more positive thoughts now and keeping small online contact with my boyfriend. He is very understanding even though it's hard for me to explain the extent of my feelings. He feels hugely rejected and sometimes worries that I am keeping him on the backburner. To me it feels like I may be placing him on hold, but I don't know what to do. I really want to get past those thoughts and go back to my best friend/lover and improve where I messed up before. Does it make sense to feel negative thoughts? Are they a sign or my mind telling me that I don't want to be with him? Am I wrong to think that I could get past them and love him? Be with him? There's not one bad thing I could say about him and I do indeed love him. We are very close. I don't know what to do but to take time to let time itself pass. I need some advice.Thanks!

[frankee459]

This actually sounds very similar to how my girlfriend felt that you read about. She broke it off to find herself. We honestly didn't talk for a month! and i know you are thinking to yourself that that could be impossible, but sure enough we came back to each other because it helped to solidify things between us. If she hadn't done i probably would have. Being without her really made me realize that i needed her and she made me truly happy. Self discovery, though sounds really corny, really does bring you closer to those you care about!Hope this helps!

[rayah]

I think you need to get counseling. You sound similar to me. So really I need help too. My boyfriend is amazing and I don't want to lose him. I stay with him as long as he wants to stay with me. He says "he's not going anywhere." I believe him. He is with me through all this and delights in getting through it with me. See if he would be willing to do that with you. Go through it with you; together. If you want to get married you need to experience these things together. Communicating with one another about how you feel and how he feels about it. Work with each other. Don't push him away. That is what i was doing. But when I started to talk to him about it and getting help things seam to be getting better, more clear. One thing that helps me is to remember Love is not a feeling it's a choice. You don't love someone until you just don't "FEEL" it anymore. You love them because you do. Even when he is sick, dying, being mean to you...You love in the good seasons AND the bad.