My love of over 2 years told me he had been lying to me and he wants a break?

[Shygirl0559]

I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years, and for the past 6 months things have not been good. We have just fought about every little thing. I had no idea that he smoked or anything, but he told me that he is emotionally drained. He needs a break from all of this and from us. He says all of the fighting makes it so he doesn't know if he loves me anymore and he needs a break. Currently we are studying abroad together and this absolutely crushes me right now. After he told me he wanted a break he told me that he has been smoking the whole time we've been dating and he never had the courage to tell me. He said that is part of where are problems are coming from, but the other part is from my jealous and insecurity. I always felt like I could never trust him. So he wants a break for the summer. He says he still cares, but that he doesn't even know who he is anymore and he wants to start over fresh in the fall with me so we can have a better relationship. What does this all mean?If it helps, we're both seniors in college. He says the break will make things better, and he wants to be my friend and if I need anything he'll be there. I am just scared this means we're over for good, and it hurts me so much and scares me that he might not want to get back together. He says he loves me, but he said he also doesn't know anymore because of all the fighting. I want to think that someday he will be head over heels in love with me again, but I don't know. He says it is a good thing, and he wants a future with me, but he also says he doesn't know if he loves me, but he thinks he does... I'm just so confused.It confuses me because he still comes over everyday, and he says this summer he'll still talk to me and hang out once in a while, and he doesn't want to date anyone, but he just wants space and time away from "us," to try and work on himself so we can have what we once did.

[NenaS]

Sorry to hear about this. Look at number 4 in the article I am now sending. Good luck.EDIT: When a man says "he cares for you but he doesn't want to have a relationship and he needs space", what he is saying is this-:" I care for you enough to have you around and to see you whenever I feel like it; but I do not want you to see other people. I want to see others, but I don't want you to do the same thing." Do you think this is fair? NOT !!!----------------------------------------------------------Top 9 signs your spouse is cheatingYou have a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, something is not right but you can’t quite figure out what that feeling is about. Your spouse has become distant, he/she is working late on a regular basis or, maybe your spouse has moved out of the house with no explanation. You suspect there may be someone else but every time you bring it up with your spouse, he/she denies the possibility. All the signs are there but you don’t have any proof. So, pay attention to the signs and your instinct but, be careful and don’t confuse signs with proof. 1. "I'm not in love with you anymore."If you hear these words, a big warning bell should go off. This is one of the most consistent things a cheating spouse will say. Your spouse may have a deep, loving bond with you but, intense feelings of passion can override the bond with you and cause your spouse to loose sight of his/her true feelings. The cheating spouse will develop what I call hormone - induced amnesia. The surging hormones and passion they feel in their new relationship can cause some very skewed thinking.2. “We are just friends.”This is also another very predictable statement that will come from a cheating spouse. If your spouse is spending more and more time with this new “friend” then there is probably more to it than mere friendship. Your spouse may feel they have a lot in common with this person, that this person understands them and things they are going through. Whatever the reasons for the friendship, it’s a big warning sign and one you should take seriously.3. A sudden need for privacy.If things the two of you used to share openly suddenly become private pay attention cause something is probably up. He/she may start password protecting computer activity. Cell phone and credit card bills may be hidden. If you ask why or attempt to find out information that used to be common knowledge between the two of you, you will be accused of snooping or trying to control your spouse. Big warning sign!4. “I need some space to figure my feelings for you.”Men and women who are involved with someone else will request more space, time alone or away from the family. They may say it is due to confusion over their feelings or stress at work. This can be a sign that there is someone else and the spouse is trying to figure out ways to have more freedom.5. Regular work habits change.Working late, going to work at odd hours or, putting in more time than is normal on work related issues can be indications that a spouse is cheating. 6. Spending a large amount of time on the computer.In today’s world, with modern technology, a person looking for an affair doesn’t even have to leave their home. The ease of internet chat rooms, online dating sites and secret email accounts has caused an alarming increase in emotional affairs.If your spouse is online more than usual, hanging out in chat rooms and visiting pornographic websites then you have reason to be alarmed.7. Secretive phone calls and more time spent on the phone.Emotional affairs occur primarily via the phone, especially cell phones. If you find your spouse hanging up suddenly when you enter the room or erasing the history on the cell phone and becoming defensive when asked about it, then you might want to check your phone records.8. Behavior that just doesn’t add up.Not being where he/she was expected to be. Missing time they can’t explain. Money that isn’t accounted for. Receipts for things you don't have. Missing clothing. Clothing that does not belong to your family. Being caught in little lies about the details of the day.9. Your Own fears and suspicionsIf you find yourself looking for excuses for your spouse's behavior or trying to convince yourself that they would never cheat then that is a warning sign. Your intuition is frequently one of the best indicators that something is wrong. If you suspect your spouse might be cheating on you, do some investigating and then confront him or her with what you've found. Do it in a way that is calm and courteous. Ask for honesty. Be prepared for lies. It is a sad fact that people having affairs become excellent liars. People who never told a lie before in their lives. Trust your gut instinct but get hard, cold proof also.Related ArticlesWarning Signs of Cheating SpousesCheating Spouse - Spying on a Cheating SpouseCheating - How Do I Know My Spouse Is CheatingWarning Signs of an Emotional AffairIs Negativity Hurting Your Marriage?

[shila]

I think it sounds good, his plan. Just try to believe that whatever happens is what is best. Hopefully he will come back to you with open arms and with more appreciation for you. Also, you should think about how you could have made the relationship better.

[sarah8150]

You said you don't know if you ever trusted him in the first place~first red flag.He's been lying to you about smoking which I hardly think that is where the problems are coming from~Is he chosing cigarettes over you??He says he doesn't know if he loves you anymore???What does this all mean?? He doesn't want to be with you. I would not wait around for this guy. You start fresh and find someone new.Good luck.

[Juliet5549]

I think his ideea is very good...if he is overwhelmed with your situation it's good to take a break...that way you two can decide if you can be whithout each other or not...if he was ment to be yours it will happen and even better than having to argue all the time...just enjoy your time off with friends and family.....and don't be insecure about yourself...guys don't like that

[JamesWatkin]

Your problems started when you confused dating with marriage. You leave the sex and stuff out of it and get to really know a person and then you either become engaged or move on.Had you left the sex out of it you would have a clear head to ask the important questions. And you know he is a liar. You know you two don't get along, move on. Dating is when you find out if you are compatible with someone so you can being life with them in marriage. Not so you can smother each other and act like a couple and sex it up.Why do you think so many relationships don't work out? People don't grasp the concept of dating. They want to have instant bonds with people and leave common sense on the door step as they leave for their date.You two have a horrible relationship and you are going to waste even more time trying to make it something it isn't because you cannot even see the light of day through the black cloud of fantasy you placed over this relationship.You get what you give. If you want a man who treats you with respect and is truthful you have to accept no less. Once you take this slob back, he knows he can basically do as he pleases and you will take him back. Which sets you up for more pain.Use your brain when you plan your life as well as your heart. If you ever hope to find someone worthy of marriage and children and a life time together.

[lost1]

smoking is an addiction that is subtle at first and slowly takes over your mind. gets addicted and has a hard time allowing normal activity without a regular intake. the irritability is his time to smoke and rationalize what he has to do and since he was hiding this from you it got worse he was soo used to conversing with one in hand or mouth that he was getting frustrated .you need to concentrate harder on your school work more than ever your in your senior yr and it is a crucial time you dont want to throw away your last yrs over romance issues take this time off to see how things will develop I know its hard if he calls or writes you will know how he really feels he has set the ground now let him make the next move.with many the addiction is worse than heroin addictionWas in the airborne and watched what happened when troops were out of cigarrettes for only 1 weekirritable not rationalizing figity sweatting and some even had the shakesand hunny these were grown men not boys the ones that smoke and say thats not true then ask them to quit and show you

[JamieM]

It kind of sounds like you need some space as well. This relationship doesnt seem to be heading in a healthy direction, maybe what your boyfriend suggested would be good for the both of you, but you should have a say as well you know? If he wants his space, time to think things over then let him do it. Dont let that hold you back though. Honestly girlfriend you need time to yourself. Time to build up your confidence and love for yourself!! Ask him for some time alone as well. Go out with friends more!! Have some fun. This will help you to become stronger so that even if you two get back together or move on then youll be okay.But be careful he did say that hes not sure if he loves you anymore. Thats a big sign girlie. I just hope that with the time spent apart that you'll be able to strengthen your inner self. Thats what you seem to be needing.!! Mwah mwah best wishes.... you need some you time...!!

[asheikas]

Believe me my boyfriend and i have fights upon fights, but he never says he wants a break, maybe he does but not saying it. Well it doesnt necessarily means he wants to leave you for good maybe he is just tired of the fights that u people get in, and he hates to see u so emotional so if he gets a break u poeple wont fight anymore adn just make it up. What u also need to do is both of u people sit doen and talk about whats causing all of this i know it is not easy to do as said but nothing worth more than a try