Please correct my admission essay!?

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One of my biggest concerns when making decision to study abroad is whether the school I would attend could give me both good opportunities and challenges that I need to become a fully developed individual and still could it be a place where I would not get so much culture shocked which may distract my studying. For all of the above it can be believed that there would be no school to correspond to my need better than TCHS.For one thing, because the school is located near my guardian's house, it would be convenient for me to go to school every day. Furthermore, the security in the area surrounding the school is said to be always in good condition which, to some extent, may decrease the worry of my parent when I study there in a place thousands of miles away from my hometown.For another thing, offering a variety of extra curriculum, the school would give me occasions to get around studying and getting hands-on skills, as apposed to just sitting in a classroom and being fed knowledge....[here is the rest]...and being fed knowledge. In addition, it would be possible for me to help others and to improve my social skills, as well.Above all, the most important reason why I chose TCHS is because of its well-trained and enthusiastic faculty. After visiting the website of TCHS, it can be seen that nearly twenty teachers have a master’s degree which means I would be taught by professional teachers and it is obvious that with the help of the devoted teachers my way to university would be somewhat easier. Besides, by means of the Internet, I notice that the academic environment in TCHS is rather competitive. Therefore it would help me to bring out the best in myself.....===========Well! I haven't known how to end this so please give me some suggestions. PS: English is not my mother tongue so this essay may contain many mistakes. Please correct them all.Thank you very much!Oh! I almost forgot! The questions they asked me were: 'Why do you want to attend our school?' and 'What contributions will you make to our school?'. The passage above is for the 1st question. Could anyone please give me some suggestions to the second one?Thanks again.